


lost in the middle of the inbetween

by mrsenjolras



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, M/M, Smut, all the standard fake relationship tropes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-08
Updated: 2019-01-08
Packaged: 2019-10-06 18:47:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 30,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17350613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mrsenjolras/pseuds/mrsenjolras
Summary: “It’s totally ludicrous?” Harry finishes for him, raising one eyebrow. “Yeah, but, like, it’s not completely out there. Just hanging out a couple times, enough for you to plausibly come out and say we’re dating, and then we split amicably a few months later, right? No big deal.”“Okay, then,” Liam says after a moment’s pause. “Let’s do this, boyfriend.” He reaches a hand out for Harry to shake, and Harry grips it firmly, shaking it once.“You’re on, boyfriend.” Harry grins at him, sharp, and Liam wonders if he really knows what he’s about to get into.[Or: Liam is a popstar. Harry is a model. They fake date to help Liam come out.]





	lost in the middle of the inbetween

**Author's Note:**

> this fic has been an intense labor of love that has taken over a year for me to finish, but it's finally here! i really have to thank amanda for being the biggest cheerleader for this fic and for never letting me forget about her babies. i also need to thank jamila for being an amazing beta as per usual, love you!
> 
> quick note: this fic has been an experiment in format for me; each of the scenes is bookended by a media excerpt (articles, tweets, etc) so that the reader sees the insider and the outsider perspective.
> 
> title is from the song 'pink lemonade' by the wombats

“I just don’t know why it’s so _hard_ ,” Liam groans, face-first into Nick’s couch cushions. Pig waddles over and licks at his fingers where his hand hangs off the couch. Liam likes having his existential crises at Nick’s because at least Nick has dogs around to cuddle. 

“What was that?” Nick calls from the kitchen. “I don’t speak sofa!”

Liam groans again, but rolls over as Nick walks in from the other room, two cups of tea in his hands and a packet of biscuits tucked under one arm. “How did you do it?” he asks, taking his tea with a nod of thanks. 

“Do what? Make this tea?” Nick replies, sitting down next to Liam on the sofa. 

“No,” Liam rolls his eyes. “Come out.”

“Are you thinking of coming out?” Nick asks, surprised. 

Liam nods. He’s been trying to come out since he was eighteen; well, he _is_ out, technically, to his parents and his friends and all, but when he came off X Factor at fourteen and told his management that it was possible he liked boys the same way he liked girls, they kindly told him that maybe he would like to keep his private life private, and he agreed. But he’s 24 now, and he’s grown up a lot in the last ten years (and he’s not just talking about losing the flat-ironed Bieber hair), but a part of him has always felt like he’s been lying about himself. Even though he’s technically never confirmed his sexuality to the press, he feels like the fans that have grown up with him deserve to know. He always talks about how they’re like family to him, and he thinks they should know everything about him. 

“I think it’s time,” Liam says finally, staring into his tea. 

“Then what’s stopping you?” Nick asks, and Liam sighs again. 

“It’s like--I would love to just be like, ‘hey everyone, I’m bi!’ and have that be it, you know? But then I think of like, Channing Tatum, who people always just, like, erase him, right? And I don’t want that to happen with me.”

“So, you want a boyfriend?” Nick says. He’s always been good at reading between the lines of what Liam says, which is why Liam always goes to him for advice. That and the dogs. 

“No, I mean, maybe? Like, it’s not like I’m seeing anyone right now, and I guess it would be more believable if I was dating a guy,” Liam says, not mentioning the fact that he’s been wanting a boyfriend for a while now, something he hasn't had in a long time. His girlfriends were all great, of course, but that doesn't stop Liam from fantasizing about someone with rough hands holding his, or someone slightly taller so Liam has to reach up a bit to kiss him, or, well, _other things_ , too.

“Listen, I might have a solution for you,” Nick says, and Liam looks up, hopeful.

“Anything, mate, really,” he says eagerly.

“I've got this mate, right, Harry Styles. He's a model, maybe you heard of him?” Liam shakes his head no, but then again he's never really kept track of the fashion world, preferring his baggy pants and big jumpers. “Anyway, he's gotten in the press for some of the wrong reasons lately, just like, partying and things. And he was telling me the other day that he was hoping to clean up his image a bit. This is just an idea, but you are, like, Britain’s sweetheart and all, so maybe you could enter, like, a mutually beneficial relationship.”

“What, you want to set us up?” Liam asks, confused.

“No, like, it wouldn't have to be a real thing. It’s like a, you know, PR relationship. You just go out a couple times, get papped, you get to come out and Harry looks like a saint, boom, you're done,” he claps his hands, which sends the dogs into a barking fit that takes a few seconds to calm.

“And your mate, Harry was it? He’d be okay with it?” Liam's not sure if he should even be considering this, but it's not the craziest idea he's ever heard, and if this bloke is up for it then Liam thinks it just might work.

“Yeah, probably. Haz is pretty much up for anything.”

“Okay,” Liam says.

“So you'll do it?” Nick asks.

“Sure, why not?” Liam says with a shrug, then breaks into a wide grin when Nick lets out a loud whoop.

“Alright, Liam Payne, let's get you to come out,” he says, pulling Liam into a big hug, and Liam squeezes him back, grateful (as he often is) to have friends like Nick.

“Okay, let's do this.”

*

 _Excerpt from Liam Payne’s interview with_ Sugarscape _, 7 September 2017:_

**SS: So, here's the question on everyone's mind: what are you looking for in a girl?**

**LP: Oh, when I'm looking for someone to date, I usually just want someone who can make me laugh, you know, good sense of humor. But someone who I can talk to about the more serious stuff too, you know?**

**SS: *swoon* Well, we hope you find that soon, wink wink.**

**LP: *laughs* Yeah, let me know if you see them first!**

**christi (42 days)** @batmanliam

**_omg have u guys noticed liam using gender neutral pronouns a lot lately when asked abt relationships *eye emoji*_ **

**a loves liam** @paynosbitch

**_@batmanliam yes!!! what does it mean tho……._ **

*

Liam meets Harry Styles for the first time at one of Nick’s Family Dinners, capitals _very_ necessary, according to Grimmy. Family Dinners happen about once a month and are essentially an opportunity for Nick to get all his friends in one room so he can play social butterfly and charming host all in one. Liam’s been going to them for years now, since he first went on Nick’s show as a guest when Nick was still doing nights, and Liam was eighteen, living without his parents for the first time, and completely out of his depth with regards to life in London. Nick had taken him under his wing, introduced him to all his mates, and helped him come out of his shell. It’s why now, even years later when Liam’s miles more successful than he ever thought he’d be, he still comes to every Family Dinner he can. 

He’s been out of the country for the last few, travelling around for promo and the occasional performance, and apparently since he’s been gone Harry has gained himself an official invite to the Family Dinner. Liam finds this out about five minutes after he arrives, when Grimmy drags him away from saying hello to Pixie in order to whisper in his ear, “Harry’s here.”

Liam pulls away, glancing around the room. “And?”

“I’ve told him our plan, he seems interested. He’s in the corner talking to Henry, go introduce yourself,” Nick sends him off with a slight shove, and Liam glares at him when he almost stumbles into Daisy’s back. Liam manages to right himself before he spills his drink down Daisy’s white jumpsuit, which is nothing short of a miracle, and he turns in the direction Nick pointed him, walking towards Henry and the tall boy next to him, who must be Harry. 

Liam takes the opportunity as he walks across the room to take in Harry Styles for the first time. He’s lanky, long legs and arms, though his shoulders look broad in the shirt he’s wearing, and his thighs, well, Liam can appreciate them. His hair is short, though based on the way he keeps tossing his head and running his hands through it, Liam thinks it was probably longer before and Harry’s still growing accustomed to the shorter style. He’s pretty, Liam concludes, very much so. Liam can tell why he’d be a successful model, and part of Liam is glad that if they do go through with Nick’s plan, at least it won’t be too difficult to pretend to be attracted to Harry. 

“Hey,” he says when he gets close to the pair. Henry immediately pulls him in for a hug, giving him a quick slap on the shoulder when they pull away. 

“Liam!” he says, loud and already on his way to tipsy. “Have you met Harry?”

“Haven’t had the pleasure,” Harry answers before Liam can. His voice is deep, and he speaks slow, determined. He reaches out a ring-clad hand for Liam to shake, and Liam doesn’t think about how nice and large it feels in his own. 

“S’all mine, mate,” Liam says lowly, shaking Harry’s hand quickly before he drops it and wipes his palms against his jeans discreetly. Henry leaves then, called over by Nick, who shoots them a conspiratorial wink over Henry’s back, and Liam rolls his eyes. As he’s doing so, he catches Harry in the middle of the same action and huffs a laugh. “He’s ridiculous.”

“I know. I think half of the reason he’s setting this up is so he can pretend he’s James Bond,” Harry jokes, and Liam laughs again, this time louder. 

“He would rather be Pussy Galore, I think,” Liam says, and Harry laughs, a loud, honking cackle. He immediately throws a hand over his mouth to stifle it, but Liam’s already laughing at him. 

“Hey,” Harry whines. “It’s not nice to laugh at your potential fake boyfriend.” Liam snorts, then sobers up a bit.

“So, you’d be willing, then? I don't want to force you into this.”

“Sure,” Harry says with a shrug. “I mean, s’not like it’d be hard, fake-dating Britain’s biggest pop superstar.”

Liam looks down, trying to hide the flush he can feel on his cheeks. “I reckon Adele’s got me beat,” he says.

“Nah, you can take her any day,” Harry responds. Liam’s met Adele, and he’s sure she could kill him with a glance, but that’s neither here nor there. 

“Seriously, though,” he says. “Thank you, this is--well, I mean, it’s Grimmy’s idea, so you know--”

“It’s totally ludicrous?” Harry finishes for him, raising one eyebrow. “Yeah, but, like, it’s not completely out there. Just hanging out a couple times, enough for you to plausibly come out and say we’re dating, and then we split amicably a few months later, right? No big deal.”

Liam snorts. “You must be the most laid-back person alive. You have to pretend to date someone for at the very least a few months, and it’s ‘no big deal?’” he says incredulously. 

Harry raises his eyebrows again. “Is it--would it be a problem for you? I mean, there are less complicated ways to come out--”

“No, it’s fine,” Liam says. “I agreed to it for a reason. I just--I don’t want you to second guess this.”

“Liam,” Harry says, looking into his eyes intently. Harry’s eyes are very green, Liam notes absentmindedly. “I’m in this. One hundred percent. I want to help.”

“Okay, then,” Liam says after a moment’s pause. “Let’s do this, boyfriend.” He reaches a hand out for Harry to shake, and Harry grips it firmly, shaking it once.

“You’re on, boyfriend.” Harry grins at him, sharp, and Liam wonders if he really knows what he’s about to get into. 

*

 _Article published in_ The Sun _, 21 September 2017:_

_**Liam Payne: single and already mingling?** _

_**The Sun** _ **has learned through a source close to the singer that the Wolverhampton-born heartthrob and Britain’s most eligible bachelor might soon be off the market. To the despair of millions of his fans, Liam seems to “have his eye on someone special,” the source said. “They haven’t made it official yet, but Liam’s definitely smitten.”**

**Liam’s been single for nearly two years now, since he and model Sophia Smith split after almost three years together. Take a trip down memory lane of Liam’s past relationships below…**

*

Liam and Harry have their first “date” in the beginning of October. They’d been in steady contact for the weeks after the Family Dinner, messaging back and forth and working out logistics. They had sat down in a meeting with Liam’s management team once Liam had told them the plan, and though Liam’s team wanted to draw up a contract, Harry refused, insisting that this was a favor for a friend and he wasn’t going to get paid for it. Liam had agreed with him, not wanting whatever friendship they were going to build from this to be based off a contract. His team had backed off after a while, though he could tell they thought it was a bad idea. He reckons they’re just looking out for him, since without a contract Harry could just fuck off at any time and leak all of Liam’s secrets to the press, but even after only meeting Harry a few times Liam knows he’s not like that. Liam trusts him. 

Their date is arranged to take place at an upmarket restaurant in Fitzrovia, one of the ones that only serves tiny plates and nothing that takes more than two bites to finish. Apparently a lot of thought had gone into how to make their dinner feasibly look casual yet leave the door open for people to speculate that it _could_ be a date. His team had explained it all to him, but it mostly made his head hurt. He didn’t get why it was such a big deal, since for the past ten years any time he’s so much as stood next to someone there have been rumours about them dating. He’s certain that after probably the third time he and Harry hang out alone people will be speculating enough that no one will be surprised when he comes out. 

So even though he thinks the whole thing is a bit out there, he still turns up at eight o’clock to the restaurant, being led to their table by a hostess who pretty clearly recognizes him, based on the way her eyes widen before she becomes very interested in shuffling around the menus she’s carrying. He makes sure to thank her with a genuine smile, watching as she scurries back behind the hostess podium, still glancing over at him occasionally. He turns back to the table, where Harry’s already sat down, looking back at him with an amused look on his face. 

“Reckon she’s already tweeting all about this?” he asks with a wry smile as Liam sits down. Liam shrugs, huffs a bit of a laugh.

“Maybe,” he answers honestly. “But, that’s sort of the point, isn’t it?”

“Right you are,” Harry says, opening his menu. He begins to peruse it quietly, and Liam takes the time to really look at Harry and take in what he’s wearing. He has a baby blue shirt on, unbuttoned halfway down his chest and sleeves rolled up. It exposes his multitude of tattoos, though just hints--what look like birds on his collarbones, some sort of fishtail on his forearm, other various bits and bobs that only make Liam more curious about what sort of person Harry is, what stories are behind those tattoos, what makes him up. Hanging from Harry’s neck down into the V of his shirt is a cross necklace, matching the cross tattoo under his left thumb, and Liam wonders if they come from a genuine belief or from more of an aesthetic liking.

Harry looks up at him then, catching him staring. “Like what you see?” he smirks, leaning back. Liam’s cheeks might be on fire. He clears his throat.

“Just trying to figure out why you’ve got a fish tattoo, mate,” he says, hopefully deflecting well enough that Harry won’t call his bluff. 

He doesn’t; instead, his face lights up. “Oh, no, she’s not a fish,” he says, rolling up his sleeve even further. “She’s a mermaid.” He sticks his arm across the table so Liam can inspect the tattoo more closely. Liam can’t help but laugh when he sees it. 

“I don’t know what’s worse,” he says, still laughing, “that you have a naked lady on your arm, or that you call it _she_.”

Harry pulls his arm back across the table, rolling his sleeve back down. “Well, excuse me, Liam,” he says with a sniff. “We can’t all have meaningful tattoos like your initials there.” He nods down at where Liam’s hands rest on the table, the letters _L_ and _P_ stark above his thumbs. 

“That’s a shame,” Liam says dryly, pleased when Harry laughs just as their waiter comes over. Liam’s barely glanced at the menu, so he lets Harry decide what they’ll share, along with a nice bottle of wine. When the waiter’s gone, Harry turns back to Liam, folding his hands in front of himself on the table. 

“So, Liam, tell me about yourself.”

“What, you haven’t read my Wikipedia?” Liam asks genuinely before he realizes just how dickish that sounds. He himself had spent about two hours before their date trawling through Harry’s fairly sparse Wikipedia, finding mostly information about campaigns he’s done or appearances he’s made. Liam wasn’t disappointed, definitely not.

“Of course I have,” Harry responds. “I’m not an idiot. Who goes on a date these days without stalking the other person a bit? Tell me something I can’t get from your Wikipedia.”

Liam blows out a breath, wracking his mind. There’s not a lot, he thinks, that’s what being in the public eye near constantly since you were fourteen gets you. “Well,” he says eventually, “I met my best mate trying out for X Factor.”

“Really?” Harry asks, head tilting curiously. “Would I know them?”

“Nah, Louis didn’t make it to live shows. He and I were next to each other in line at auditions. We had to stand out there for hours, and we bonded a bit while we were waiting. He got through to boot camp and we hung out a lot there, but he was eliminated before Judges’ Houses. He gave me his number before he left, basically threatened me to text him or else, and so I did. We kept in touch, he finished school and went on to uni. He’s a drama teacher now, has a kid himself. He stays pretty out of the spotlight, you know, so not a lot of people know that we’re friends. It’s nice, to be able to have someone who’s known you for so long, you know? He never treats me different.” Liam trails off a tad awkwardly, wondering if he’s just shared too much for a first date-that’s-not-really-a-date. He shifts a bit in his seat. 

“That’s really cool,” Harry says, and he sounds genuine. Liam looks up, and Harry’s looking back at him with a slight smile on his face. He opens his mouth to say something else, but he’s interrupted by their waiter coming back with their food. They’re distracted for a bit by that, spending a few minutes in silence as they try the spread of small plates on the table. 

“So, what about you?” Liam breaks the silence. “What’s something I wouldn’t know from Googling you?” 

Harry hums for a bit, thinking. “I used to be a baker,” he says finally, with a big smile. Liam’s so shocked he lets out a laugh. 

“You _what_?” 

“I was a baker!” Harry says again. “Seriously,” he continues, when Liam doesn’t stop laughing, “I worked at the bakery in my town when I was in school. I mean, it was more like I was the cashier than the baker, but same difference.”

Liam laughs again. “It is _not_ the same,” he says. “Ringing people up is nothing like baking all the breads and things!”

“Tomato, tomahto,” Harry says, but he has a wry grin on his face and a twinkle in his eye. 

They chat back and forth like that for the rest of the meal, and Liam finds himself laughing more often than not. It’s easy to talk to Harry like it isn’t with so many other people he meets, and he’s grateful that he doesn’t have to pretend to enjoy himself, because he genuinely _is_ enjoying himself. Harry’s quite odd, and says things that boggle Liam’s mind, but he’s funny, and listens intently to what Liam says. The dinner passes quickly, and even as the waiter clears their plates after they’ve finished, Liam doesn’t want the night to end. 

“Would you like dessert?” the waiter asks, and Liam turns to Harry curiously, only to have his heart fall at the apologetic look on Harry’s face. 

“I wish I could,” he says, “but I should probably get going. Work tomorrow, and all.”

“Right,” Liam says, trying not to feel disappointed. This wasn’t even a real date. “Just the check, then.” He tells the waiter, who nods and goes off to get it. 

“Sorry, Liam, I don’t mean to cut the evening short, or anything,” Harry says, but Liam just shakes his head. 

“It’s fine, mate. You’ve been such a help tonight already. Thanks for coming out.”

“No problem,” Harry says, and there’s a look on his face that Liam can’t decipher. It clears after a moment. “So, you think we put on a good enough show?” 

Liam blinks, surprised. Had Harry just been playing a role this whole time? Liam had thought he was really enjoying himself, like Liam was. The thought that he might not have been, that he was just pretending, leaves Liam feeling off-balanced. “Uh,” he stutters, before he pulls himself together. “I reckon so. Guess we’ll find out soon enough, huh?” He shoots Harry what he hopes is a convincing smile. 

Harry smiles back, and Liam tells his heart to calm down. 

*

 **Daily Liam Updates!** @LiamPayneUpdater

_**Liam has just followed @Harry_Styles on Twitter and Instagram! (10/07)** _

**jes** @payne_love93

_**@LiamPayneUpdater who is that?** _

**sarah #paynosquad** @s4ruhhhh

 _ **@LiamPayneUpdater @payne_love93**_ _**he’s a model! he’s friends with grimmy’s crew, that’s probably how they met. i rly like harry, i hope he and liam become friends!!!!!**_

*

Liam’s very busy for the next week, though not in the way he likes. Liam loves his job, wouldn’t change it for anything, but when he was a teenager dreaming of being a popstar he never thought it would involve so many _meetings_. And not just meetings about things he’s interested in, like what producers he can work with for his next album, or where he’s going to go on his next tour, but meetings about things like how to best utilize his social media platforms for promotion, or what scents should go in the next perfume he’s releasing, or whether the line of lunchboxes with his face on should be colored purple or green. It’s mind numbing, yet manages to give him the worst kinds of headaches, the ones where he has to go home and lie on the couch with a wet compress over his eyes like his mum used to do when she was tired after a double shift. 

It’s at one of these times, when Liam’s trying to take a nap to relax after a morning packed full of meetings, when his phone rings. He groans, the noise not helping his head, and picks it up mostly just to stop the shrill ringing. 

“Hello?” he grunts, hoping this isn’t another one of those times where some fan has hacked his number off some website. 

“Hey, mate, it’s Harry,” comes from the other line, and Liam sits up, rubbing at his forehead. 

“Oh hey, what’s up?” 

“Nothing much, really, it’s just that I was talking to my manager today and he thought it would be a good idea for us to have another date soon? I guess he’s been talking to your people, or something,” Harry trails off for a moment. Liam wonders if he should say something, but then Harry’s voice comes back on the line. “Is this a bad time?” 

“No, it’s fine, I’ve just been swamped all day. When did you want to have this date?” Liam pinches the bridge of his nose. He knows Harry’s right, and that they need to be seen together a bit more before people believe they’re dating. It’s been in the back of his mind since their dinner, and he knows his fans picked up on his follow activity, since they pick up on everything, but they probably need to keep the momentum going while there’s still interest. His team has also been hinting at it in between the slew of meetings this week. He knows all of this, but this is also his first night off in about a week and he’s exhausted. 

“I don’t know,” Harry says on the other line, cutting into Liam’s thoughts. “It’s probably best to do it earlier, you know? When it’s, like, fresh in the people’s minds. I’m sure you’re probably busy all the time, but I’m mostly free, so it’s really whenever you want. If you’re not too busy now, maybe we can go get a coffee?”

Liam glances at the watch on his wrist. He can either force himself off the couch and get dressed to go meet Harry somewhere for a coffee, or he could continue with his plan of taking a nap and ordering in a Chinese later. He sighs internally. “Yeah, I’m free. Where do you want to meet?” 

“Oh,” Harry says, sounding a bit surprised. “Great. Um, I know a pretty cool place in Primrose Hill. It’s pretty quiet, but I still think we’ll get noticed, you know? I can text you the address?” His voice rises up at the end like a question, though Liam isn’t sure if it was intended as one. 

“Yeah, that’d be great. Thanks, mate, I’ll see you soon.” 

Liam pulls into the carpark of some hipster-looking cafe about half an hour later, and he checks his hair in the rearview mirror one last time before he hops out of the car. He hadn’t had time to shave, so he’s got a solid stubble going on his jaw, but he reckons there’s nothing to do about it now, and he ducks under the awning of the shop quickly to avoid the steady drizzle falling. He pulls open the door, causing a bell above to ring jauntily, and scans the half-full seating area, looking for Harry. He spots him half sunk into a large armchair in the corner, tapping at his phone with one hand as he pulls at his bottom lip with the other. Liam takes the time to look him over before he moves towards him, taking in the scuffed brown boots that are bumping into each other as Harry sits pigeon-toed, his long legs stretched out and encased in black skinnies with a hole in each knee (Liam’s not sure if they came that way or if Harry put them there himself). Harry’s got a brown sweater on top, long and slightly oversized, with the sleeves falling over the tops of his hands. The whole look is topped with a pair of glasses sitting on top of Harry’s head, holding back his short curls, and Liam wonders if he actually needs them or if they’re for decoration--he had lost his trust in glasses after his guitarist, Niall, had started wearing them as fashion pieces and then ended up needing to wear them for real. He shakes his head, pulling himself out of his thoughts, and walks over to Harry, who looks up when Liam’s a few feet away. He gives Liam a quick once over. 

“Hey, is that the new Gucci collection? I wore it for a shoot a little while ago,” he says, and Liam looks down at his sweater. It’s orange, and Liam had liked it for the color and the giant tiger applique on the front. He thinks the label on it says Gucci, though he doesn’t really pay attention to designer names, he just picks the clothes he’s drawn to. 

“Uh, yeah, I think it might be,” he says belatedly. Harry gives him another glance over. 

“Definitely is. Looks better on you than it did on me, though,” Harry says with a small smirk on his face. Liam feels his cheeks heat, and he looks away from Harry, clearing his throat. 

“Um, have you, uh, ordered anything yet?” he asks, eyes landing on the bar on the other side of the room. 

“No, I haven’t. What would you like? I’ll buy, you paid last time.” Harry stands, reaching into the back pocket of his jeans for his wallet, and walks towards the barista standing behind the counter. Liam stays stuck in place for a moment, before Harry shoots him a curious look from where he’s already ordered his coffee. Liam starts, walking over and staring blindly at the menu for a second before he shrugs. 

“Just give me another of whatever he’s having,” he tells the barista, who nods at him before ringing them both up. Harry pays her, and they wait for a moment for her to make the drinks before grabbing the mugs and returning to their table in the corner. Liam lifts the mug to his lips and takes a sip, humming when it hits his tastebuds and immediately leaning in for another. “What is this?” he asks.

“A peppermint mocha. You never had one before?” Harry asks, curling his hands around his own mug. 

“No,” he says, taking another sip before he forces himself to put the mug down, not wanting to down it all in one go. “I usually avoid coffee unless I really need it. Don’t like the taste. I always have to drown it in sugar and my bodyguard always laughs at me. Louis does too, but he only drinks tea, and he thinks it’s disgusting that I put so much sugar in mine.” Liam shuts himself up, recognizing he’s rambling. That’s another thing caffeine makes him do. 

Harry just smiles, though, and nods his head. “I get that. Everyone in fashion wants to just drink black coffee, because it’s supposed to be cooler, or something, and I’ve done it a few times but I just can’t. I always find myself going back to the sweet stuff.”

It occurs to Liam then that, though Harry probably has a good idea what Liam does, Liam has absolutely no idea what Harry’s career consists of. Sure, he’s had to do plenty of photoshoots in his time, and he’s attended a fashion show or two, but those are different beasts entirely from the career of _being a model_. 

“Do you like it, then? Modeling, I mean,” Liam says, probably totally out of the blue based on the look Harry gives him. 

“Yeah, reckon so. Can’t do much else, since I only did a term and a half at uni before I got signed. There’s parts of it I don’t like too much, but, you know,” Harry shrugs, twisting one of his rings around his finger absentmindedly. 

“What don’t you like?” Liam asks, curious. Maybe this is too serious of a discussion for a second ( _fake_ ) date, Liam’s not sure. He just knows that Harry interests him, that every time they talk he feels like he’s pulling back another layer, getting closer to whatever it is at the center of Harry that makes him the way he is. Liam also considers that this line of thinking is perhaps too much for someone that he’s definitely _not_ dating, who’s only helping him out as a friend, but, well, Liam always liked to learn everything he could about his friends. 

“I don’t know,” Harry responds, oblivious to Liam’s internal debate. “It’s like, I really like the clothes, I’ve always been interested in fashion and especially pushing myself to try new things, find new ways of expression through what I’m wearing. So that part is great. It’s the--I don’t know, the superficiality of it all? The way everyone has to put on a face like they’re having the best fucking time, and it’s like, my life isn’t that difficult, right? I make good money, I can afford my flat and to go out with my friends whenever I want, and whatever, but that doesn’t mean I’m super happy all the time, but I’m supposed to act like I am. And I don’t know, a lot of these models, they’re nice, right? I have friends that I work with. But none of them really care that much about me? They just, I don’t know, want to go to parties and show off their boyfriends on Snapchat and track their Instagram likes all day, and that’s not--that’s not really me. I don’t know, I’m rambling, and I probably sound really ungrateful right now,” Harry finishes sheepishly, reaching a hand up to run through his hair.

“No, you don’t,” Liam reassures him. “Trust me, I get that. I really get that. I mean, I can count on one hand people I can consider real friends, who actually want to know about me and how I’m doing, who aren’t just hanging around with me for publicity. It used to bother me a lot more than it does now. I don’t know, maybe I’m just getting older.”

Harry laughs. “Old? Liam, aren’t you 24?” 

“Yeah,” Liam says, with a self-deprecating chuckle. “But I’ve been doing it so long most of the time it feels like twice that.”

Harry laughs a little again, before he sobers up and leans forward, resting one hand over Liam’s where it’s on the handle of his mug. It takes most of Liam’s self control not to startle and spill his coffee everywhere. “Listen, Liam, I know we’ve only hung out a few times, but you can count me among that number of friends, okay? This--arrangement, or whatever you want to call it, it might be mutually beneficial for us, but I’m not just using you for publicity. We’re friends.”

Liam smiles at him gratefully. “Thanks, Harry. Same goes for you. Friends.”

Harry nods seriously. “Friends.”

“ _I’ll be there for you…_ ” Liam croons out softly, pleased when Harry falls back in his chair, letting out his cackle of a laugh. 

*

 **Daily Liam Updates!** @LiamPayneUpdater

_**Photos of Liam with Harry Styles getting coffee today! (10/12)** _

**_[Image description: Two photos, taken from a phone camera at a distance, a bit blurry, but clearly showing Liam and Harry in the coffee shop. The first picture is of Harry leaning forward, one hand resting on top of Liam’s. The second is of Harry and Liam laughing together.]_ **

**a loves liam** @paynosbitch

_**omfg i love that they’re hanging out...and harry’s hand on liams arm???? is something more going on *thinking emoji* *eye emoji*** _

**callie lily** @leeyummy

_**@paynosbitch oh my god do they have a ship name yet? cuz i officially ship it..hiam? lirry?** _

**a loves liam** @paynosbitch

_**@leeyummy OH MYG OD LIRRY IS OS CUTE YES I SHIP IT!!!!!!** _

*

Liam opens the door carefully, stepping in and kicking off his shoes before he calls out a hello. In response, he hears an “Uncle Liam!” and the sound of tiny footsteps pattering down the hallway towards him. He lifts Freddie up when he’s close enough, settling him in his arms and carrying him into the living room as the toddler babbles in his ear. Louis is sat on the couch, one leg kicked up onto the coffee table. He’s in joggers and a soft t-shirt, hair looking like he just rolled out of bed, which is his standard attire when he’s not expected to be standing in front of a classroom reciting Shakespeare for a bunch of bored sixth-formers. Freddie starts kicking his legs against Liam’s torso, itching to be put down, so Liam sets him down gently and watches as he immediately rushes to the toybox in the corner, pulling out toys and creating an even bigger mess on the floor. Liam smiles and flops down on the couch next to Louis. “Hey, Tommo.”

“Sup, Payno?” Louis responds, stretching one arm out across the back of the couch and pulling Liam into a headlock-cuddle hybrid. It’s a common enough occurrence that Liam doesn’t even blink an eye, just cuddles closer to Louis and tosses an arm across Louis’ stomach. 

“Nothing,” he mumbles into Louis’ shoulder. “Been awhile since I saw you and the little lad.”

“Hm,” Louis hums. “Not our fault you’re so busy.”

Liam rolls his eyes. Louis always makes remarks like that, but Liam knows he doesn’t really mean them, since he’s always been in Liam’s corner, through everything. “Sorry,” he says, and Louis just shrugs, but Liam knows he’s accepted the apology, if he was ever genuinely angry in the first place. 

“What’ve you been up to?” Louis asks, shifting on the couch a bit so the two of them are in a more comfortable position, which also gives him a better eye-line as to what Freddie’s doing with his toys in the corner. 

“Well,” Liam begins, because he still hasn’t told Louis about his plan to come out, or Harry’s role in it. He really has been busy for the past few weeks, and _hey mate I think I’m going to come out and I have a fake boyfriend to help me with it_ seemed too complicated to say in a text or on a quick phone call as he’s running between meetings. “I have news.”

“What’s that, then?” Louis asks, distracted. “Freddie, leave Cliff alone, yeah?” he directs at the toddler, currently piling some of his toys on top of the dog sleeping in the corner. Liam clears his throat to call Louis’ attention back to him. 

“I’m thinking of coming out,” Liam says quickly, and Louis’ head whips around to look at him, eyes wide. 

“Really?” he asks, an edge of excitement in his tone. Louis had been one of the first people Liam had come out to--had been one of Liam’s first real crushes, if he’s honest, though that hadn’t gone further than a couple of drunken snogs and gropes. “How are you going to do it?” 

“Uh,” Liam stutters, because this is the more complicated part. “Grimmy had an idea.”

“Oh, Jesus,” Louis says, falling back against the couch. “That’s not a good start.” 

“No, it’s good this time,” Liam says, defending his friend. He knows Nick and Louis have a bit of a checkered past, something about drunkenly hooking up at one of Liam’s parties and then fighting the next morning and barely speaking since. Liam tries to stay out of it mostly. “He’s got this friend, Harry, who’s a model and he’s agreed to help me come out.”

“Help you come out, how, exactly?” Louis asks, but his eyes are sharp on Liam’s face and Liam’s sure he’s already figured it out, but is waiting for confirmation from Liam. 

“Uh, helping me out by pretending to be my boyfriend?” Liam says, and he doesn’t _mean_ for it to be a question, but his voice rises up at the end anyway. Louis falls back against the couch and actually slaps a hand across his forehead, then slowly sliding it down until it covers his eyes. Freddie toddles over while Louis’ eyes are covered and Liam takes the opportunity to pull the toddler into his lap. Louis won’t yell at him too much if Freddie’s there. Probably. 

Louis pulls his hand away from his eyes and looks over at Liam, huffing out a laugh like he can’t help it when he sees his son in Liam’s lap. “Li, why in the hell would you agree to something like that? And what does this Harry bloke get in return? Are you paying him?”

“No!” Liam denies quickly. “And watch your language, there’s little ears about.” He gestures down to where Freddie is fiddling with his watch. Knowing the boy, he’ll most likely somehow change the settings on the watch to something Liam will have no hope of fixing. “Harry doesn’t need my money, but he needs some good publicity, at least that’s what Nick said. And he’s agreed to do me this favor, so I’m not questioning it.”

“And you trust him?” Louis asks, seeming a bit less angry and more concerned. “You don’t think he’ll, I don’t know, spill all your secrets to the press? Do some big tell-all interview with _The Sun_?” 

“He’s not like that,” Liam says, and he thinks back for a moment to Harry in the coffee shop, eyes downcast as he spoke about not having real friends in the industry. “I trust him.”

“Does your team know?” Louis asks. “Or are you just doing this all on your own?” 

“They know, and so does Harry’s. It’s very professional.” Liam resolutely doesn’t think about the swoop in his stomach when Harry had placed his hand over his. It was probably just from the caffeine anyway. 

“Good,” Louis says, and he looks Liam seriously in the eyes. “Keep it that way.” And with that he scoops Freddie up from Liam’s lap and goes to put him down for his nap, and they don’t talk about it for the rest of the afternoon. 

Liam ignores the concerned glances Louis throws him when he thinks he’s not looking. He knows what he’s doing, and he won’t let whatever weird feelings he has for Harry get in the way. 

*

 **Liam** @LiamPayne

_**been feeling really good lately and have lots of important things coming up, can’t wait to share it with u all!** _

**lea THANK YOU LIAM** @l1amp4yn3

_**yes king i can’t wait either, love seeing u happy and healthy *heart eye emoji*** _

**Liam** @LiamPayne

_**@l1amp4yn3 thanks love hope you’re having a good day as well** _

*

Liam and Harry have another meeting in mid-November with all their combined teams, taking over a conference room at Liam’s management’s offices and laying out the plan for the rest of Liam’s coming out. There are a few more scheduled dates in November and December, organized around Harry’s photoshoots and Liam’s days in the studio. The two of them are free to spend Christmas with their families, but they’re expected to return to London by New Year’s Eve, where they are to attend a party together. At midnight, they should kiss, which would be documented in the background of no less than three photos or videos, and which will then spread through the tabloid cycle. After photos of them kissing are released online, they will not make any public comments, but will continue to spend time together publicly until Liam releases his public coming out statement, most likely in mid-to-late-January, depending upon scheduling. Or at least that’s how Meghan, the rather intimidating head of Liam’s PR team, put it. 

It all makes Liam’s head spin. He hadn’t thought it would be so much work, when Nick had suggested the idea on his couch over two months ago now. He wonders if it would have been different if they had just done this on their own and not gotten their teams involved, but then he rethinks that about thirty seconds later because he knows himself, and he would probably have found some way to cock it all up in about a day if they hadn’t gone through the professionals first. 

He makes eye contact with Harry across the table toward the end of the meeting. Harry hasn’t said much while they’ve been there, nodding along with whatever their teams were saying and occasionally saying something to the man next to him (his manager, maybe?) in a hushed tone. When he catches Liam’s eye, he sends him a wry smile and a bit of an eye roll, a sort of _what-are-you-gonna-do_ expression. It calms Liam down, somehow, and he feels an intense sense of gratitude to Harry in that moment. He realises then that he could be going through all of this alone: attending these meetings, figuring out the best strategy for coming out, even the act of coming out itself. Harry’s presence ensures that Liam doesn’t have to do any of this alone, and even if Harry only agreed to this for his own benefit, Liam is still massively thankful. 

Harry is still looking at him, Liam notices. He’s not sure what expressions have crossed his face in the last few minutes while he’s had his mini-epiphany, but Harry’s head is cocked and he has a curious look in his eye. Liam just shoots him a quick smile and tunes back into the meeting. 

Someone from Harry’s team is speaking, and he doesn’t sound too happy. “We just want to make sure this is seen as an _equal_ relationship,” he’s saying, and Liam can already tell that this is shaping up to be a big argument. He sinks back in his seat some more. “Mr. Styles will not just be arm candy at award shows, all right?”

“There aren’t even any award shows scheduled for the next two months, Michael.” That’s someone on Liam’s team--Angela, he thinks. 

“That’s not the point, and you know it. We want an agreement that this is to be beneficial for _both_ Mr. Payne and Mr. Styles. Which means Mr. Payne’s going to have to show up for Mr. Styles just as much as Mr. Styles shows up for him, okay?” 

Liam can tell Angela is gearing up for a counter-argument, but the words “I’m fine with that,” are tumbling out of his mouth before he can stop them. Everyone in the room turns to him, and he’s acutely aware of the pressure of their stares. “Uh, I mean--it’s only fair, right? Harry’s doing me a massive favor. Plus, like, I don’t want to look like a dick.” He can tell _that_ gets his team’s attention. Internally, he rolls his eyes. Most of the time he hates the way being famous works, but that doesn't mean he can't use it to his advantage. “If it looks like I'm just making Harry follow me around everywhere and I'm never at his fashion shows or whatever, people are going to think I'm a jerk boyfriend. Which isn't a good look.”

Liam’s team is starting to look more agreeable, murmuring amongst themselves, and Liam doesn’t resist the urge to roll his eyes this time. He catches Harry’s gaze again, and Harry shoots him an amused grin. 

Later, after the meeting, Harry stops Liam in the hallway. “Hey,” he says, grabbing Liam’s arm and pulling him off to the side, away from where members of their team are still mingling. “Thanks for that, back there. You didn’t have to.”

“Sure I did,” Liam says. “Friends, yeah?”

A look crosses over Harry’s face, like he’s going to say something more, but he only gives Liam a smile. “Friends. I’ll see you later, yeah?” he says, before he’s whisked away by his management, leaving Liam standing in the hallway trying to deal with the fluttery feeling in his stomach. Must’ve been something he ate, he tells himself. Definitely not caused by Harry’s dimples. Definitely not. 

*

 _Article published by_ MTV.co.uk _, 18 December 2017_ :

_**NEW BESTIE ALERT: Popstar Liam Payne and model Harry Styles are our new #BFFGoals** _

**We here at _MTV News_ are always ready to spill the latest Liam Payne goss, especially since we’ve been ~~stalking him~~ big fans since he was on X Factor. And, if you pay attention to him the way we do (for completely professional reasons, obviously), you’ll have noticed that Liam’s added a new member to his crew, and it’s high fashion model Harry Styles. **

**Styles isn’t super well known, though he has a strong portfolio (which we have studied thoroughly for professional reasons). He’s made it in the tabs a few times for being friends with the likes of Cara Delevingne and Daisy Lowe, and now it seems he’s getting chummy with everyone’s favorite popstar.**

**Don’t believe us? Check out the pics of them hanging out below!**

*

“They think we’re _friends_ ,” Harry says on the other end of the phone, and he sounds incredulous. Liam continues scrolling down the article, clicking through the photos at the end. There are pap shots of them out to dinner that first time, then some pictures from the coffee shop and other times they had hung out: them walking Nick’s dogs in the park, them talking at a party celebrating Alexa’s latest book, them sitting next to each other at a group dinner Aimee had thrown. 

“We are friends,” Liam says distractedly, still focused on the pictures of them together. 

“Yeah, but we’re supposed to look like _more_ than that to them,” Harry says. “How could we go on four dates and they still think we’re _friends_?”

“Maybe because it’s currently unknown that I like boys?” Liam suggests, amused. “It’s fine, Harry, after we snog in front of them I’m sure no one will think we’re just mates.”

Harry huffs on the other end, and Liam holds back a laugh. Ever since their last meeting, Harry has taken an interest in their media presentation. Something about getting inspired by all the hard work their PR teams do, Liam’s not quite sure, but he knows that Harry’s been sending him links to every pap photo of them and every article written by tab sites for the past three weeks. Liam’s past the point of questioning, knowing that this is something Harry’s become fascinated by and it’ll be better for Liam in the long run if he just goes along with it. 

He doesn’t think about how that sounds like a thought people in real relationships have about their partners. Plenty of people have those thoughts about their friends too, probably. 

“Oh, yes, the infamous _snog_ ,” Harry says on the other line, pulling Liam from his thoughts. “You know, if another person on my team tries to coach me on the right way to snog, I’m gonna plant one on them just to show that I know how to kiss.”

Liam laughs. “I hope you do know,” he says, “because it’s gonna be my mouth on the other side.”

“Oh, Liam,” Harry starts, teasing lilt in his voice, but he cuts himself off before he finishes. There’s voices on the other end of the line--Liam identifies a woman’s voice which must be Harry’s mother. Harry had gone back home for the holidays a few days before, the morning after they had gone to the gang’s big holiday party and were caught on several Instagram stories singing bad Christmas karaoke. It was fun--Harry hadn’t known the words to Last Christmas and Liam had teased him mercilessly for betraying British pop royalty--but then Liam had to get into the car alone and return to his empty bed, and he had laid alone that night missing the feeling of a warm body next to him. 

Liam shakes himself free of the memory as Harry comes back through the line. “Listen, Li, I’ve gotta go, my mum--”

“That’s fine,” Liam interrupts. “Go on, spend time with your family. I’ll talk to you later.”

“Yeah,” Harry says, “And if I don’t talk to you before the holiday, have a happy Christmas, Liam.” 

“You too, Haz,” Liam says before he rings off. It’s December 23rd now, and by all accounts Liam should be home, too, being fed to bursting by his mum and being teased relentlessly by his sisters. Instead, he’s scheduled to sing for a Christmas concert tonight and then he’ll be driven back to Wolverhampton first thing in the morning. It’s all fine--at least he _gets_ to go home for Christmas this year--but everyone’s already gone home for the holiday. Louis left for Donny with Freddie day before last, Harry went back to Holmes Chapel, Nick was up in Oldham...London seems empty, without them all there. 

At least he’s still got the lads in his band with him, especially Niall. He’d been put together with his band through the studio, only given a few sessions to test out chemistry before they’d decided to keep them: Niall, Josh, Sandy, and Jon. It’d been a massive improvement from the electronic backing tracks he’d used on the first couple tours, and even a step up from the touring band he’d had for one tour since they were all about twenty years older than Liam and had no interest in spending much time with him off-stage. So when the studio had given him the band, who were all around his age and willing to hang around for rounds of FIFA on the bus after shows, Liam was seriously grateful. He was especially grateful for Niall, who was only a month younger than him and who quickly became one of his closest friends. Liam’s always been glad to have mates like Louis and like Nick, who were there to keep him grounded, but Niall’s been the one he traveled the world with, the one who made him feel at home even when they were so far away from home it would make Liam’s head hurt. 

So he drops his phone on the couch next to him and checks his watch quickly before grabbing his phone up again and sending a text to Niall. 

_**niallerrrrr up for a pint 2nite after the show????** _

**_when am i not up for a pint, payno?_ **is the response Liam gets back less than five minutes later, and he grins. 

*

_Instagram post from Liam Payne, 24 December 2017_

_**[Image description: a selfie of Liam and Niall, taken while inside a club. Liam is holding a drink in one hand, the other around Niall’s shoulders while Niall takes the photo. Both are smiling widely.]** _

**@liampayne:** Good night out with Nialler!!! Big thanks to everyone who came to the performance tonight and happy holidays everyone *heart emoji* *Santa emoji*

_**Liked by harrystyles, niallhoran, and 294,447 others** _

**@niallhoran:** love ya payno !

 **@harrystyles:** Looking good x

*

Christmas passes fairly uneventfully for Liam. He finally gets the chance to sit his family down and explain the situation with Harry--just in time, too, since they’ll be going public in just under a week--and their reaction is pretty much as he thought it would be. His mum cries, his dad calms her down and tells Liam they’re proud of him, Ruth and Nicola demand to see pictures of Harry and try to learn every piece of information about him they can. He wards them off for long enough to shoot Harry a text, writing, _**maaate told my fam the situation and my sisters are bloody obsessed with u**_. Harry sends back a fairly smug _**As they should be**_ a few hours later, and Liam can’t hide his smile when he reads it. 

“Who’s got you looking like that, honey?” his mum asks when she catches sight of him, and Liam pockets his phone quickly. He can feel his cheeks flushing and he ducks his head to try to cover it. 

“Nothing, just something funny Harry texted me.”

Karen’s eyes start to get misty again, and she clasps her hands under her chin. “Oh, Liam, I’m so glad to see you happy,” she says, slightly choked. 

“Mum,” Liam starts slowly, “it’s not real, you know. We’re just mates.”

“Oh, I know, I know,” she says, flapping one hand at him while she wipes under her eyes with the other. “But I’m still so proud of you.”

Liam stands and walks around the kitchen table to where his mum is sitting. They had been sat there catching up, the rest of the family dozing off in front of the telly. He pulls his mum into a tight hug. “I’m proud of me, too, Mum,” he says into her shoulder, before he suppresses his eye roll at her renewed sobbing. 

*

_Instagram post from Harry Styles., 29 December 2017_

_**[Image description: a black and white cityscape shot from behind a window at night. Droplets of rain on the glass distort the lights coming from the buildings, giving the image an abstract feel.]** _

**@harrystyles** : London, are you ready?

_**Liked by liampayne and 20,394 others** _

**@nicholasgrimshaw:** alright

 **@liampayne:** loool what is this supposed 2 mean haz

*

New Year’s comes too quickly for Liam’s liking. He only stays in Wolverhampton until the 28th, heading back to London with a growing hole in his stomach that the copious amounts of food his mum sent down with him can’t fill. He’s nervous, is the thing, even though he knows the kiss doesn’t matter. Or, well, it _does_ matter, it matters more than perhaps any other kiss he’s ever had in his life, it just doesn’t matter to _Harry_. It’s going to matter to Liam, to the people instructed to get a shot of it on camera, to the millions of people who are going to see it and react to it after, but it won’t matter to Harry. And while maybe that should make Liam feel better, it only makes him feel worse, only exacerbates his nerves. 

Nick is hosting the party--of course he is, Liam thinks, like he would miss out on the chance to have the biggest celebrity news story of the year play out at _his_ party. It does mean Liam will actually know probably 80 percent of the people there, which is an improvement from most industry parties he attends, where he usually stands in the corner with Niall and the maybe five other people he knows. Nick had made it clear he wanted Liam to feel comfortable, and he had even invited Louis, so Liam knows he was being serious. 

Liam gets there just after 10, a bit too early for some of the revelers, but most of Nick’s core group is already milling around. There’s a buzz in the air; Liam’s not sure how in-the-know most of the people there are, but enough people are shooting him glances that he guesses some word must have gotten out. They probably all think it’s real, that they’ll be helping a happy couple come out of the closet. A bitter feeling rises up in Liam’s throat for a moment before he quashes it down, because though Liam’s relationship might not be real he will be taking a very real and very important step tonight. And that’s something to be celebrated. 

As is the New Year, moving ever closer. Harry arrives separately from Liam, about twenty minutes after Liam gets there. Liam almost laughs when he sees what Harry’s wearing--a plain black button down, sleeves slightly rolled up and sparkly teal and purple pants. Liam himself is just wearing black jeans with ripped knees and a white t-shirt, though he supposes the Fendi jacket he has on top adds something extra. He smiles as Harry approaches, reaching out when Harry is close enough and plucking at one of his belt loops. 

“These are snazzy,” he says, and Harry grins, pulling Liam into a quick hug. 

“Thanks,” he says when he pulls away. “Wanted to shine for New Year’s, you know?” 

Liam rolls his eyes. “Of course you did. Want a drink?”

“Obviously,” Harry says, already leading the way to the bar. “We’re celebrating, aren’t we? And multiple things, at that.”

Liam can feel his cheeks heat, and he hopes the dim light in the club covers it. “Suppose so. Are you ready?” 

Harry leans over the bar and says something to the bartender before turning back to Liam. “Sure, are you?” 

“Guess I’ve got to be,” Liam says, shrugging a little. 

“Liam,” Harry says, a slow smirk growing on his face. He takes a step closer to Liam, leaning in so he can speak clearly over the music. “Babe, are you nervous?”

Liam’s cheeks are definitely red now, and his heart skips a beat at Harry’s proximity and the nickname. He takes a breath before he says anything; Harry’s standing there, close enough Liam’s chest nearly brushes Harry’s as he inhales. “Might be, a little bit,” he says lowly. 

“Don’t be,” Harry says, a soft look crossing his face for a moment before his smirk returns. “I mean, you don’t have to be nervous. It’s not like you’ve actually got to impress me, I’ll be kissing you either way. I’m a sure thing.” He gives Liam a wink and pulls away, turning back to the bar to fetch their drinks. 

Liam takes the opportunity while Harry is turned away to collect himself. He didn’t know what that was, the moment when Harry had stood so close and Liam’s heart nearly jumped out of his chest and went running into Harry’s arms. He doesn’t know why it’s so hard to keep reminding himself that none of this is real, that for Harry it’s at best a favor and at worst a job. He wonders whether this was a good idea in the future, if he made a mistake putting Harry--putting _himself_ \--in this position. 

But then Harry’s turning back to him, in his ridiculous sparkled pants with their drinks in his hands. He’s leaning towards the glass on the right, trying to chase the straw around the glass with his tongue, and Liam thinks that in the long run this might all be worth it, if only for the fact that it brought Harry into his life. 

The hours until midnight tick down slowly, Harry never straying far from Liam’s side at the party. Though the time seems to drag on, Liam's still taken aback when he goes to the bathroom and checks his watch to see there's only ten minutes left until the New Year. He figures he and Harry need to pick a strategic spot to share their kiss.

When he gets back out to the bathroom, he can't seem to find Harry anywhere. He glances at his watch again, then scans his eyes around the crowd. Harry's not chatting with Nick, nor is he with Niall and Louis near the bar. Liam even steps outside, where there's a small group smoking, but Harry's not standing next to Alexa or Daisy. Liam takes a hit off Daisy’s cig to calm his nerves before he ducks back inside, only five minutes left to the New Year now. 

He spots Louis first when he gets back into the room and grabs his arm. “Have you seen Harry?” he practically yells into Louis’ ear, struggling to be heard over the music. 

Louis pulls back and shoots Liam a look that Liam doesn’t have time to decipher right now, but he merely shrugs at Liam, a clear _I don’t know, mate_ if Liam ever saw one. He sighs, scrubs a hand through his hair. It’s more like three minutes to midnight now, and Liam has no fucking clue where Harry is, or what’s going to happen if they don’t kiss tonight. 

He moves back toward the center of the room, pushing his way through partygoers--some of whom have already started ringing in the New Year with a kiss. He scans the crowd again, trying desperately to find Harry somewhere. He's just getting to the point of desperate when someone taps him on the shoulder, and he whirls around and comes face to face with Harry. Harry has a grin on his face, like he hadn't nearly given Liam a heart attack just before. 

“Where have you--” Liam starts to ask, but he's cut off as the crowd around them begins to cheer and count down. Harry takes a step closer, placing his hands gently on Liam’s shoulders.

“Ready?” he asks, as the count reaches the ten second mark.

Liam nods, licks his lips as the crowd gets to seven seconds. He sees Harry’s eyes dart down to watch the movement, and Liam takes a deep breath, gives himself one last moment to steel himself before he leans in and presses his lips to Harry’s. 

The crowd is cheering around them, celebrating the New Year, but Liam feels like he’s listening to them through a tunnel. There’s blood rushing through his ears, practically deafening, and his world is brought down to just him and Harry. His hands are on Harry’s hips, squeezing slightly and pulling him in closer; Harry’s hands have moved to the back of his head, cradling it gently as his fingers tangle in Liam’s hair. And their mouths, well--Liam supposes this was supposed to be a chaste kiss, a short peck for the cameras, but Liam has no desire to pull away from Harry’s mouth now that he knows how plush his lips are against Liam’s own, how enthusiastically he’s reciprocating the kiss, how tempting the slight brush of tongue is against Liam’s bottom lip. He wants it to last forever. 

But it can’t, of course, and eventually (Liam’s not sure how long it’s been, he lost all sense of time the minute he felt Harry’s mouth against his) Harry pulls away with a slight gasp. His lips are even redder than before and slightly wet, and all Liam wants to do is dive back in again. But he can’t, he knows he can’t, because as reality starts to set in again he remembers that none of this is real, and that no matter how amazing that kiss just was, it won’t ever happen again. He and Harry stare at each other for a moment silently before Liam watches as Harry composes himself again and sticks a smile on his face. 

“Well, Liam, you didn’t have to impress me, but you certainly did,” he says, and he’s gone before Liam can reply, pulling his arms away from around Liam’s neck and heading towards the bar. Liam barely sees him for the rest of the night. 

*

 **Daily Liam Updates!** @LiamPayneUpdater

_**Photos of Liam with Harry Styles celebrating New Year’s (12/31)** _

**_[Image description: Several photos, clearly taken from a distance, of Liam and Harry at the party. The first two pictures are of them talking and laughing. The second two are blurrier than the first, but show what looks to be Harry and Liam sharing a kiss.]_ **

**a loves liam | LIRRY IS REAL** @paynosbitch

_**HOLYLYSDFSHIT I CANTY BREATHIG THEYRE FUCKIGN KISSIGGNGSDKFJ THIS SI STHE BEST DAY OF MY LFIE HOLY SHIT** _

**4-eva and eva** @changemyminds

_**can ya’ll stop saying liam is kissing harry in that photo, it’s blurry as hell and you can’t prove anything. stop trying to force liam into some fantasy ship of yours it’s actually really gross…** _

**jes** @payne_love93

_**@changemyminds i totally agree. people are jumping to conclusions when liam hasn’t said anything yet like as far as we know he’s straight** _

**a loves liam | LIRRY IS REAL** @paynosbitch

_**@changemyminds @payne_love93 lol @ me next time..liam’s never once confirmed his sexuality so it’s wrong to assume he’s straight just bc he’s dated women. plus like y’all are rly blind if u think they ain’t kissing lmaooooo** _

*

The photos are released and Liam spends hours combing through his Twitter tag to see what people are saying. The tabloids had all put out stories saying it was clear that Liam and Harry were dating, complete with “inside sources” claiming that they were all over each other at the party. Liam’s not sure if those are quotes his and Harry’s team put out or if the tabs are actually just making shit up, it could honestly go either way. 

His fans seem to be a bit more torn--there’s a very vocal faction saying that he and Harry are together and producing a quite frankly frightening amount of fan-fiction already. There’s another group, though, who is fighting back viciously and saying that those who “ship” him and Harry are gross. He supposes it’s nice that he has people who will defend him, but there’s a knot in his stomach that grows with every tweet that says there’s _no way_ he could be in a relationship with Harry. How are they going to react when he _does_ come out? Thinking about it all does his head in. 

It doesn’t exactly help that Harry’s been MIA since the party. Liam tries not to let it bother him too much, because they don’t have any scheduled dates for a couple of days at least, but he had thought that he and Harry had built up a bit of a friendship. In the months leading up to New Year’s, they spoke most days in some form or another, but it’s nearing a week since the party and Liam hasn’t heard a peep, despite his attempts at communication. Thinking about _that_ hurts his head more than thinking about his fans’ reaction does, so Liam mostly tries to avoid thinking about anything to do with Harry at all. Which isn’t easy, since Harry crosses his mind more often than not, and the majority of the time Liam is flashing back to their kiss and how much he enjoyed it. 

He groans, throwing his head back on the couch. He needs to get out, go do something, but it’s impossible since his house has been swarmed by paps since the pictures came out. It’s making him restless, being trapped inside. There’s only so much songwriting or exercising he can do in his house before he goes stir crazy. He grabs his phone, tapping on to his messages and scrolling quickly past his dead conversation with Harry to reach Louis’ name. He’s halfway through a message inviting Louis over to hang out when his doorbell goes. 

He grins. There’s only a handful of people with the gate code to his house, and it’s probably either Louis or Nick on the other side of the door. It’s a welcome distraction, and he swings the door open without checking the peephole. Only it’s Harry standing on the other side of the door, not any of Liam’s mates. 

“Um, hi?” Liam says, the statement coming out more like a question. He’s not sure what Harry’s doing here, why he would show up at Liam’s door after days of radio silence. He’s not even really sure _how_ Harry got here, since he doesn’t have the code and should have buzzed Liam from the gate, though he supposes that can be explained away by the words _Nick Grimshaw_. 

“Hey, Liam,” Harry says. “Can I come in?” 

“Right, of course,” Liam replies, taking a step back and allowing Harry to come inside. Harry pauses to toe off his boots before he makes his way further into the house. 

“Is your kitchen this way?” Harry asks, and it’s now that Liam notices that Harry’s laid down with grocery bags. 

“Er, yeah, right through here,” Liam says, guiding Harry down the hall and into his kitchen. Harry dumps his bags on the counter before turning and leaning against it, looking at Liam. It’s only now that Liam actually takes him in, his tight jeans and oversized sweater with a pair of sunglasses stuffed in the breast pocket. It makes him look soft, and Liam sort of wants to burrow into him and never let go. He shakes himself free of that thought quickly. “What are you doing here?” Liam asks. It comes out blunter than he intends, but at the same time he feels like he’s justified, seeing as Harry’s been ignoring him for the better part of a week. 

“Thought I could come cook you dinner!” Harry says, enthusiastic. “Hadn’t seen you in a while.”

“I texted you,” Liam says, slightly annoyed that Harry wants to brush past the fact that it was _his_ fault they hadn’t seen each other. “You didn’t respond.” 

“Well, you know,” Harry flaps his hand around vaguely, turning towards the counter and starting to unpack the groceries, “I’m an Aquarius. You like chicken, right? My mum sent me a great recipe the other day, I’ve been dying to try it out.” He keeps talking, rambling on about how he likes to cook but doesn’t always get the chance to, and Liam stares at him, dumbfounded. He doesn’t understand Harry one bit. He doesn’t get what his horoscope has to do with ignoring Liam; he doesn’t get why he can act like nothing’s happened between them; he’s not even sure why they’re in his house rather than out somewhere where they’ll get seen, since that’s the whole point of this. Then it dawns on him--the paps, the ones who have been camped outside for days, hoping to get a glimpse of Liam. They would presumably love to get pictures of Liam _and_ Harry, probably in the most compromising position possible. And Harry would have had to drive right through them to get to Liam’s door. 

“Did you get papped coming in here?” Liam asks, interrupting Harry’s monologue on the best way to cut a chicken. Harry stiffens for a moment before he answers like nothing’s wrong. 

“Yeah,” he says, “hard to avoid ‘em, really. Is that a problem?” He turns to Liam, eyes burning into Liam’s own. Liam forces himself to keep his face and voice even when he responds. 

“Course not. S’what we’re supposed to be doing, yeah?” 

“Yeah,” Harry says, and he turns back to cutting the chicken, this time in silence. 

Dinner is awkward, to say the least, until Liam unearths a bottle of red wine from one of his cabinets and they begin to drink it like it’s water. After that, it’s like the wall built up between them comes crashing down and they talk easily, laughing and teasing each other. By the end of the meal, the wine is gone and Harry’s practically asleep at Liam’s table. Liam laughs gently, standing and gathering their plates together. 

“Lemme help,” Harry slurs, trying to stack his plate and nearly sending his glass of water spilling across the table. Liam laughs harder, catching Harry’s glass before it topples. 

“No, no, you cooked, I’ll wash up.” He leaves Harry there and heads back into the kitchen. He’s too tired to do much, so “washing up” really means he stacks the dishwasher and dumps the rest of the dishes into the sink before returning to the other room. Harry’s head is hanging off the back of the chair, and he looks completely knocked out. Liam snorts before going to wake him. 

“Haz,” he says, shaking Harry’s shoulder gently. Harry’s head shoots up, and Liam moves back quickly to avoid being headbutted. 

“Huh?” Harry asks, looking around dazedly. His eyes eventually focus on Liam, and then he looks alarmed. “Oh, shit. Sorry. I should get going, it’s late.”

“You drive here?” Liam asks, and at Harry’s nod, he continues, “You shouldn’t drive when you’re this tired. You can stay here.” He doesn’t think about what sorts of articles are going to be written about Harry entering his house and not coming out until the next morning. He would do this for any of his mates, really. 

Harry puts up a few token protests, but he can barely get three words out without yawning and Liam won’t take no for an answer. He gets Harry up from the table and moves him toward the couch. Normally he would take him up to one of the guest bedrooms, but he's not sure Harry would be able to make it upstairs in his current state. 

Sure enough, Harry all but collapses on the couch when they get there, letting out a groan when his body hits the cushions. “Liam,” he says seriously, “this is the most comfortable couch I've ever been on. _Ever_.”

Liam laughs at him. It's true, though--Liam had splurged on the best couch he could find when he moved in. “I'll get you a blanket,” Liam says, and by the time he comes back from the linen closet with a blanket and a pillow, Harry is fast asleep. His face is pressed into the cushion, mouth open as soft snores come out. Liam smiles, draping the blanket over him gently and placing the pillow next to Harry's head. Harry mumbles a little in his sleep, rolling over and burying his face in the pillow. Liam can’t resist running his hand through Harry's hair once before he takes himself up to bed. 

*

 _Article published in_ The Sun _, 7 January 2018_ :

_**EXCLUSIVE: Liam Payne and Harry Styles have romantic sleepover!** _

**After pictures of model Harry Styles and popstar Liam Payne sharing what looked to be a New Year’s kiss surfaced and crashed Twitter for several hours, the world has been speculating as to what the exact nature of the two’s relationship is. Now, we here at _The Sun_ can exclusively confirm that the couple have seen each other again--and this time, for an overnight stay. **

**The 22 year-old model showed up at 24 year-old popstar Payne’s house last night and wasn’t seen again until the next morning, when he left wearing the same clothes he had arrived in the night before. While we aren’t sure what happened inside the house, it appears as though their relationship may have taken the next step.**

**View the pictures of Styles below…**

*

“So I heard you and young Harold have started having overnights,” Nick says. Liam rolls his eyes and tugs at Pig’s leash to get her to stop nosing around some bushes and continue on their walk. 

“And I’m sure someone will see us today and say we were on a romantic walk through the park,” Liam says, shooting a grin over at Nick, who’s bent over with a bag scooping up Stinky’s business. 

“We _are_ on a romantic walk through the park,” Nick responds, standing up and swinging the full bag towards Liam’s arm. Liam lets out a disgusted noise and jumps out of the way of the bag before he laughs. 

“Yeah, the poo really puts the seduction over the top. How many times have I told you you’re not my type?” 

“Right,” Nick says, sly smirk taking over his features. “Your type is more curly haired lads with dimples, yeah?” 

Liam shoots him a look, unimpressed. “You know it’s not like that, man. You’re the one who set it up.”

“I know, but you can’t tell me there isn’t _something_ there,” Nick says, glancing at Liam sideways. “I mean, Harry hasn’t shut up about you since you met.”

Liam looks away, hoping the flush in his cheeks could be explained by the breeze whipping past them. “We’ve become mates,” he says. “That’s all.”

He must sound serious enough, because Nick drops the subject. They walk along in silence for a bit, the dogs running ahead to sniff at everything they can. Eventually, Nick breaks the silence, saying, “Have you got a date set for the coming out, then?” 

“Yeah,” Liam says, holding back a sigh. He’s looking forward to it, he really is, but he’s a bit scared for what might come after. His team have been giving him contingency plans, what they will do for every possible outcome that happens after he comes out. He sort of hates that he’s more concerned about the fact that he and Harry will break up shortly after his coming out than about the fact that his career could take a serious dive. “Supposed to be in about a week. January the 20th. I’m just posting a video to my Twitter and Instagram accounts, and the fans will probably do the work from there.”

“You scared?” 

“No. Yes. Sorta,” he pauses for a moment to collect his thoughts. “I’m ready, I know I am. I think what’s scary is that I’m not going to be able to control what people say or think about me after. And I’m used to that for most things, but this is...different.” He pauses again. “Was it scary for you?” 

“I was in a very different situation from you,” Nick starts, “but it was still scary. But I felt like I needed to do it, and it was the right time for me. That made it less scary. And after, it was like the biggest weight off my shoulders.”

“Yeah,” Liam says, and after he takes a deep breath his smile comes easier. “I’m ready for that.”

“Good,” Nick says, and they start to walk again. “Promise me one thing, though.”

“What’s that?”

“I want to be your first interview after you do it.” 

Liam laughs. “Wouldn’t want it to be anyone else, mate.”

*

_Instagram post from Nicholas Grimshaw, 12 January 2018_

_**[Image description: Liam standing in the park, holding the leashes of Pig and Stinky in one hand. He is looking down at the dogs and laughing as they roll around.]** _

**@nicholasgrimshaw:** 3 huns

_**Liked by liampayne, harrystyles, and 74,712 others** _

**@harrystyles:** Heyyyyy, I’m jealous.

 **@nicholasgrimshaw:** @harrystyles I suppose you can come along next time

*

Liam’s coming out is planned for a Saturday, something about getting a jump on the next week’s news cycle. Liam thinks it also helps that the majority of his fans won’t be in school--he had heard from a lot of angry parents the last time he dropped a song during the school day and caused a bunch of people to miss their lessons and all that. And they’re expecting this news to be quite a bit bigger than him releasing a song.

There had been a bunch of different options proposed--doing a big print interview, or something on radio or telly, or even just releasing a quiet statement through management and not really having Liam talk about it much at all. Liam shut down all those ideas, because he had known since the beginning that he wanted to do this himself. He’s always tried to be as open as possible with his fans, from when he started on X Factor and was doing Twitcams every night to answer their questions. He wants to film a video statement, put it up on his Twitter and Instagram accounts, and then shut his phone off for 48 hours until he has to face the music on Monday morning. Miraculously, his team agrees to that. 

He records the video a couple days before it gets posted, and it turns into much more of a production than he expected. He had thought he would sit on his couch, film something quick on his laptop, and send it off to his team for approval before he posted it. Instead, his house is swarming with people from his PR and management teams who are messing around with lighting and how much makeup Liam needs to wear to look natural and what the exact wording of his coming out should be. Add in the fact that once his family and friends found out when he was planning on filming it, they decided to show up as well for support, and Liam’s house is as crowded with people as his last music video shoot was. 

His mum is in a corner, crying, which is usual. Liam thinks absently that they might have to move her to another room when he actually records the video or else her sobs will be caught on the microphone. His dad and his sisters are trying to comfort her, but it’s not really working and they look a bit misty-eyed themselves. Louis is standing near them, cracking jokes and evidently avoiding Nick, who’s stood on the other side of the room near Niall and Harry. 

Harry being there is--it’s a bit strange. Harry had said he wanted to be there for Liam as a friend, which Liam appreciates, but it’s also a bit weird to have his worlds collide like this. Introducing Harry to his mum had been awkward, at best; Liam had always thought that the first time he introduced a boy to his mum in a romantic context would be after months of dating and commitment. Not that there’s any romantic context with Harry, of course. It was like introducing his mum to a mate of his, just one who, in a few days’ time, the entire world will think he’s dating. It’s complicated.

Liam takes a deep breath as Charlie, his manager, claps his hands together and the room falls into silence. “I think we’re ready, people,” Charlie says, and he gives Liam an encouraging look before stepping behind the camera. “Whenever you’re ready, Liam.”

Liam nods at him, takes another breath in and glances around the room. Every person looks back at him, fully supportive, and though before it had felt crowded, now Liam is endlessly grateful to be surrounded by people who love him in this moment. His eyes land on Harry last, and Harry gives him a wide smile that nearly takes his breath away, and he closes his eyes to regain his composure before turning to the camera. 

“Hi, everyone. I’m recording this because there’s something important I need to tell all of you, and it’s something I’ve never told you before. I have always said that there is such a strong bond between you all--the fans--and me, and I’ve been keeping this to myself for a while. It’s mostly been for my own privacy, but, well, I think it’s time you all know. I’m currently in a relationship, and it’s with another man,” he cuts his glance over to Harry quickly, whose expression hasn’t changed. His grin buoys Liam to get through the rest of his speech. “I’m bisexual. And I’m really, really happy. I just wanted you all to know that. I love all of you so much, and as always I just want to say a massive thank you for all you have done for me so far because I wouldn’t be where I am without you. Again, I love you all, and I’ll be seeing you really soon.”

He collapses back on the couch once he’s finished, letting Charlie turn off the camera and deal with sending it off to get edited before Liam posts it. He didn’t stick exactly to the words his team had written out for him, but he figures he got through the main points of it. He doesn’t fancy doing it again, so everyone will just have to deal with it. 

Once Charlie gives the all-clear that the recording equipment is off, Liam finds himself swarmed by his family and friends. They all want to give him hugs and congratulate him, though Liam’s not sure he’s really done anything worth congratulating yet. Sure, he’s said the words, but there’s always the possibility that he can never publish the video and keep this a secret forever. 

That urge continues to rise in him as the time to post the video comes closer. On the day of, he wakes up at the crack of dawn after barely getting rest the night before. He gets out of bed and pads downstairs to put the kettle on, a bit startled at the quiet peace of the house after his family had left the night before. While he had loved having them there with him, and especially loved feeling everyone’s support on the day he recorded the video, he knows that he has to be alone when he actually posts it. Not just because his house will be swarmed with paps in no time--he’s sure his close friends and family will have questions shouted at them in the street no matter if they’re actually with Liam or not--but because he’s been building up to this day for a long time, and he knows he needs to do this on his own. 

When he came out to his family, it was mostly an accident. He had been fresh off X Factor, sat in a room with his parents and people from management, hammering out a contract. At the end of the meeting, they had very kindly asked him if there was anything else they needed to know-- _because if you don’t tell us now, we won’t be able to prepare for it in the future_ \--and he meekly admitted to the fact that sometimes, he thinks about boys in a romantic way, the same way he thinks about girls. It had been one of the most awkward moments in his life, but after he had said it out loud, the world hadn’t crashed down around him. He can only hope the same thing happens today. 

As time ticks closer to one o’clock, when he’s scheduled to post the video, supportive texts start to trickle in from those who know what’s happening today. Most of them say a version of the same thing ( _ **proud of you!! Good luck!**_ ), and Liam refuses to admit that a spike of disappointment runs through him at every text he receives that isn’t from Harry. He rolls his eyes at himself, almost angry for feeling ungrateful to people he’s known for longer and better than he’s known Harry, just because of some stupid crush he’s got.

He tries to focus his energy on other things, watching the video over again to make sure it’s good enough to post. He supposes it’s a bit late to change anything now, but he’s too antsy to sit and watch telly or scroll through Twitter or anything, so it’s the best he can do. He notices this time how visible it is that his eyes glance over to Harry when he says that he’s dating a man, and he knows that his fans will easily pick up on that detail. He doesn’t know if it’s a good thing or not--it obviously plays into the charade they’re putting on, but it also gives away a bit too much about Liam’s feelings, in his opinion. 

His phone buzzes with another text before he can think on that too much. He notices it’s getting close to the time when he needs to post the video, and he’s expecting the text to be from Charlie or someone on his PR team to remind him, but when he checks his phone it’s Harry’s name that stares back at him. He takes a breath and opens the message. 

_**Good luck today, Li. I’m proud of you and grateful you’re including me in this. H xx** _

Liam reads the message over several times, not quite sure how he should react or respond. He’s just considering typing out a text back when Meghan from his PR team sends him a message that it’s time for him to post the video now. 

At that, all thoughts of Harry fly out of his head. The nerves that had been pushed aside for a few minutes come roaring back, and for a moment he thinks maybe he should just call Meghan and say he changed his mind. Then he thinks about how much happier he’ll be with the secret out, no matter what the reaction is, and he knows he has to do it. He grabs his laptop, pulls up his Twitter account, types in the short message, and links the video Then he takes a deep breath, and presses send. 

*

 **Liam** @LiamPayne

_**Got something really important to share with you all. Love you. Liam x bit.ly/s2ie5** _

**a IS SO PROUD OF LIAM** @paynosbitch

_**@LiamPayne i am sooooo grateful for everything you have done for me and i am so proud of you for sharing this you are so brave i love you so much** _

**lea is #ProudOfLiam** @l1amp4yn3

_**im sobbing so much right now, i never thought that my idol could share my identity but liam DOES and that’s so powerful i love you endlessly @LiamPayne and i am forever #ProudOfLiam** _

**BBC News (UK)** @BBCNews

_**Popstar Liam Payne comes out as bisexual in video. Read more: bbc.co.uk/news/liam-payne-892344** _

**The Sun** @TheSun

_**Liam Payne comes out, reveals he’s dating another man *shocked emoji* thesun.uk/78213of** _

**nick grimshaw** @grimmers

_**so proud of my mate @LiamPayne and very glad to have him on the show on monday as well *heart emoji* *rainbow emoji*** _

**Daily Liam Updates!** @LiamPayneUpdater

_**Liam’s family and friends like Ruth, Grimmy, and Harry Styles have liked Liam’s tweet to show support! (01/27)** _

*

Liam’s inexplicably nervous when he walks into the Radio 1 studios first thing Monday morning. He’s been there tons of times before, for promo or to visit Nick or that one ill-advised decision to join Nick on the straight-through-crew after the Brit Awards, when his manager had called halfway through the show and yelled at him to get off the air. But now, as he walks through the halls, he’s acutely aware of the stares following him. It feels like when he was back in school, walking through the building and having everyone _look_ at him, because he was a bit different and a bit awkward and a lot uncomfortable. 

Luckily, Nick greets him with a big hug and an even bigger mug of tea, made exactly the way Liam likes it. “Don’t worry, mate,” Nick says as Liam’s sat in the chair across from him, a producer adjusting the mic in front of his face. “I won’t go too far. Just knock your hand on the desk twice if you get uncomfortable and I’ll put a song on or something.” Liam nods. It’s a nice offer, but Liam knows he’s not going to take it. He trusts Nick not to ask invasive questions in the first place, and if he does get uncomfortable, he’ll just power through it like he’s been doing for years now. 

“Ready?” Nick asks Liam as the song currently playing starts to come to a close. 

“Ready,” Liam replies. 

“Good morning!” Nick says into the mic moments later, after the song ends. “It is 7:35 on Monday morning, and Liam Payne is in the studio!”

“Morning, mate,” Liam says. 

“How are you today, Liam Payne?”

“I’m doing good, yeah,” Liam rubs his palms on his jeans, trying to rid them of some of the sweat. “Been a crazy couple days.”

“Now why would that be?” Nick asks, and Liam laughs. He knows his coming out was the leading story on entertainment news that day. And possibly regular news as well, it’s all a bit fuzzy. 

“Don’t know if you’ve heard, mate, but I’m bisexual,” Liam says, and he keeps his tone light even though his heart is pounding. It’s different, saying it casually into the mic to be broadcast out to everyone in the nation, from saying it to a camera in his own home. Nick just smiles at him. 

“Oh yeah, I might’ve heard something about that. D’you know, it was on the actual news yesterday. Like, not like there’s wars on, we’ve got to talk about Liam’s sexuality!” Liam laughs, feeling looser than before. That’s a talent of Nick’s, he thinks, making sure his guests are always comfortable. 

“I don’t know, man, it’s a bit mad, yeah?” Liam says. “But the fans have been so amazing, and I just want to say a big thank you to all of them for all the love and support they’ve given me over the last few days. It means to world to me, and they’re the reason I do what I do, so it’s been great to see.”

“Yes, they’ve all been tweeting me and the show constantly since we announced you were going to be on this morning, and they really want me to let you know that they love you,” Nick says, and he smiles sincerely across the desk at Liam, though the words sound slightly joking coming out of his mouth. 

“Well, I love them, too, so. It’s a very mutual relationship,” Liam says, and Nick laughs. 

“Oh, since you’ve so helpfully brought up relationships, we’ve come to the second-most sent in question. You’ve got a boyfriend, yes?” Nick asks, waggling his eyebrows around ridiculously. 

“Yes,” Liam says, and ignores the way his palms have gotten sweaty. “You know I do.”

Nick makes a noise like he’s agreeing. “Would you like to share with everyone else who it is?” 

“Um,” Liam says, and he hums and haws for a minute, playing it up to make Nick laugh. “No, not really.” 

“Really?” Nick asks, and he sounds really shocked, though Liam’s pretty sure he was filled in that Liam and Harry were making their first public appearance next week, and Liam’s not meant to confirm or deny anything before then. 

“Not yet, I mean, we’re in a really good place, but I think I want to let some of the excitement die down before I throw him into the middle of it, you know? Plus it’s nice to have it a bit secret for now.” It’s pretty much the spiel his team had given him earlier, meant to keep the air of mystery around him and Harry for a bit longer.

“How sweet!” Nick says, in such a sickly sweet voice that Liam would have rolled his eyes at him if the cameras weren’t running. “Now, we’re going to play some music and then when we come back Liam is going to play a little game with us!” He puts on the next track and pulls off his headphones, shooting a wide smile at Liam. “Are you ready for this?” 

Out of the corner of his eye, Liam can see the producers talking with some technician, standing next to a machine with wires hanging out of it. Nick had suggested the game, mostly jokingly, but Liam thought it sounded fun, and he always loves a game. He’s got no idea what sorts of pictures Nick’s going to show him, but he reckons it’ll be a laugh. He nods at Nick, who smiles at him and signals over to the technician to start setting the machine up. Liam unbuttons a few of the top buttons on his shirt to give the guy access to place the leads on his chest. Nick wolf-whistles at him and Liam rolls his eyes. The technician, who introduces himself as Dan, hooks up some wires to the leads and then sets up the machine, which starts beeping steadily in the background as the song starts to fade out and Nick leans back into the mic. 

“Alright, so, we’ve got Liam Payne here and he’s now been hooked up to some medical machinery so we can do a new game on the show! Liam has very kindly agreed to be our guinea pig for this, what we’re calling the Heart Monitor Challenge. How you doing, Liam, everything feel good?” 

“Yup,” Liam says, “it actually reminds me of when I was a kid, because I was in and out of hospital a lot for my kidney.”

“The one that grew back, yeah?” Nick asks, teasing. 

“Sure did,” Liam responds, “because I’m Superman, mate.” Nick laughs. 

“Okay, so, basically the game is that I’m going to show you some pictures, and we’re going to see how much these images affect you.” Liam nods, and Nick pulls out the first picture. “Okay, so first up we have a pair of Yeezy Adidas shoes!”

Liam laughs. “I’ve got a pair of them,” he says, and Nick just gives him a look, because Nick knows very well that Liam has a pair of them. 

“Heart rate remaining pretty steady. Next up, we’ve got a picture of someone near and dear to your heart, my dog Pig.”

“Aw, Miss Piggy,” Liam says, cooing over the photo Nick holds up of Pig curled up on her bed. “Where’s Stinky, though?”

“Stinky was moving around too much to be photographed well. Heartbeat’s picking up a little, not much. Do you not get excited about my dog, Liam?” 

“Of course I do!” Liam protests, and he can tell his heart rate picks up a bit more at that, which makes Nick smile. “What’s next?” 

“Oh, next one is a good one. It’s fashion model Harry Styles!” He pulls out a photo of Harry from some photoshoot, one Liam’s never seen before. In it, Harry’s lying down in a field of flowers wearing a striped sweater, smile on his face as he rubs at his eye with one hand. He looks really good, and Liam bites the inside of his cheek, suddenly regretting agreeing to let Nick do this. “Do you know Harold?” Nick asks, and Liam tries not to glare at him. 

“We’ve met a couple of times, yeah. He’s a really nice guy.” The machine continues to beep behind him. He studiously ignores it. 

“Hmm,” Nick says. “Heart rate staying steady.” Liam just barely holds back a sigh of relief. He hopes the game ends soon so he can end this misery. “And this is our last photo,” Nick says, “it’s of one of your favorite things, your gold chain!”

Liam laughs again, and he can tell the release of the tension from the previous photo is causing the monitor to beep more behind him. “Oh, heart rate’s rising,” Nick says, “heart rate’s rising! Heart rate’s higher than it’s ever been!” Liam keeps laughing, shaking his head at Nick. “Maybe this is a delayed reaction to the last picture?” Nick asks, and Liam shakes his head again. 

“I hate you so much,” he says into the mic, and Nick looks shocked. 

“What’ve I done?” he says, aghast.

“This is the most ridiculous thing you’ve ever done, Grim,” Liam says, still smiling. 

“Now, Liam, you know that that is definitely not true,” Nick replies, and the look on his face suggest that what he’s thinking is that the most ridiculous thing he’s ever done was suggest that Liam and Harry enter a fake relationship, and, well. Liam can’t exactly disagree with him on that. “But you’ve been an amazing sport, so let’s all give it up for Liam Payne!” Nick continues, and then he and some of the producers start cheering. Dan moves in to start turning off the machine, and Nick and Liam sign off, getting up to go take a couple pictures for Instagram and Twitter before Liam leaves. 

“Was it really bad?” Nick asks when they’re setting up for the photos, sounding a bit nervous. “We thought it might be a bit clever, get some people talking, you know.”

“No, it was fine,” Liam says, though he’s still a bit rattled over the whole thing. Because the thing is that Liam’s heart rate _shouldn’t_ change when he sees a picture of Harry, or when he thinks about Harry, or when Harry is mentioned, because he and Harry aren’t anything. Just friends, acquaintances really, who are helping each other out for a short time and then it’ll all be over. And once it’s over, Liam won’t have an excuse to see Harry anymore, and they probably won’t hang out, like it was before, when they were in different circles that occasionally overlapped but mostly existed separate from each other. It’s sad, Liam thinks, but it’s also reality, and it’s exactly why he needs to get his little crush or infatuation or whatever he’s feeling with Harry out of the way, because he knew what he was getting into from the start, and he’s not going to get himself hurt in the end. “It was totally fine,” he says again, and then he makes himself smile for the camera.

*

 **The BBC Radio 1 Breakfast Show** @BBCR1Breakfast

_**We put @LiamPayne to the test! [nerd emoji] [pencil emoji] See what happened when @grimmers gave him the Heart Monitor Challenge…** _

**callie lily** @leeyummy

_**OMG WHEN GRIMMY BROUGHT OUT THE PICTURE OF HARRY SKJFKLJF HE DID THAT!!!!!** _

**a IS SO PROUD OF LIAM** @paynosbitch

_**IM DEADDDDD LIAM RLY WAS SHOOK WHEN HE SAW THAT PIC OF HARRY LIRRY IS REAL BITCHES WE BEEN KNEW** _

*

The goal was to keep people talking about Liam, and to keep them talking about Liam and Harry together, and, well, Liam can thank Grimmy for doing his part. The fans had immediately latched on to the mention of Harry in the video, and now some of the less reputable tabs are running articles about them, always citing some close anonymous source. Liam’s PR team are probably the ones leaking that information, anyway, since their plan is to keep Liam and Harry’s names together in the media until they finally go out and confirm the relationship. 

The confirmation is meant to come within the next week, on Harry’s birthday. On the actual day, Liam and Harry are supposed to go out on a romantic dinner and be seen by the paps acting affectionate, though not _too_ affectionate, whatever that means. Then, a couple days later at the weekend, there’s a big party with all their friends, and they need to show up and to leave together. To top that all off, Liam needs to post on social media for Harry’s birthday, something that makes it very clear that their relationship is not a platonic one. That’s what’s supposed to confirm it, though Liam probably won’t actually say the word “boyfriend” when he posts it. One of them will get asked about it soon enough, and they’ll say yes, and that’ll be that. A few months later they’ll split up and it’ll all be over. Liam doesn’t think about that part much. 

Liam’s also trying to studiously ignore the prospect of his solo date with Harry, though it’s coming up fast now. It’s just that he and Harry haven’t been alone together since the dinner at Liam’s house, and that was almost a month ago now. And with the added pressure that the meal needs to be clearly a _date_ , not just two mates hanging out like some of their earlier outings. It actually makes Liam wonder how exactly he showed affection with his previous relationships, because thinking about what he needs to do with Harry is giving him anxiety--he’s never been great at acting, and he’s terrified everyone’s going to guess that their relationship is fake. He’s so worried about it that he ends up scrolling through pap shots of him with his last girlfriend, getting an idea of the ways in which he’s usually casually caring with the people he’s with. It’s a bit odd, looking at pictures of himself with his ex and essentially replacing her with Harry. He shuts his laptop with probably a bit more force than necessary, falling back on his couch and scrubbing his hands over his eyes. The date is in two days, and Liam doesn’t know how the hell he’s going to get through it. 

As he heads to the restaurant two nights later, he’s still not quite sure what he’s going to do. Still, he stuffs his gift for Harry into a gift bag and makes his way to the restaurant in Chelsea. It’s a posh place his team’s booked for them, somewhere with dim mood lighting and prices on the menu that shock even Liam, who’s gotten a bit used to the high life in the last couple years. It’s definitely a place Liam would take someone he cares about on a birthday date. Not that he’s not doing that now, because he _does_ care about Harry, just not in a way that would require a secluded table in the corner or their faces lit up by candlelight. At least, that’s what he’s going to keep telling himself. 

He gets to the restaurant before Harry, something that surprises him based on their past history. It’s probably the first time Liam’s shown up first to a date of theirs, and he awkwardly asks the hostess to show him to his table, sipping at the glass of water in front of him while he waits for Harry. He can feel eyes on him--the table isn’t exactly _private_ , since that would defeat the whole purpose of doing a relationship for PR. They’re definitely close enough to the window that a pap could get a shot, not to mention the other patrons who seem pretty interested in the sight of Liam sitting alone at a table, obviously waiting for someone. Usually at a place like this the clientele is pretty discreet, and Liam can get away without the sort of creepy phone snapshots that he’ll get at other places. Now, though, it’s clear not even the poshest of the posh are ignorant of the stories surrounding Liam’s love life. He’s sure the people watching him are curious as to who will be walking through the door and joining him for dinner, and that them spreading the word will do as much to confirm Liam and Harry’s relationship as a pap photo of their dinner would. 

He’s trying not to show his discomfort too clearly; he _is_ used to people staring at him, after all, as conceited as it may sound. At the same time, though, he would really like for Harry to show up soon, before the glances turn from curious to pitying. He’s just about to pull out his phone and see if Harry’s texted him when the door opens and Harry steps in. Since Liam’s already sat down, he has a prime view of Harry taking off his coat and handing it to the hostess to check, running his hand through his hair as he does so. He’s wearing a silk shirt, patterned with something that Liam can’t decipher from this distance, a bow tied loosely in front of his neck. It’s a uniquely Harry look, but Liam can also tell it’s formal for Harry’s style, which makes him feel less stiff in his button down, a blazer slung over the back of his chair. 

Harry’s eyes scan the restaurant, and his face lights up with a smile when he spots Liam. He walks towards the table and Liam stands when he gets near. He’s not exactly sure what he’s going to do, but Harry makes the decision for him by pulling him into a hug when he gets to the table. “Liam,” he says warmly, right into Liam’s ear. “It’s good to see you.” He pulls back, brushing a light kiss over Liam’s cheek. They sit down, and Liam spots a phone out at a table nearby. He hopes they got the kiss in their shot, or else Harry’s effort would’ve been wasted. 

“Happy birthday,” Liam says, once they’ve sat down. “Did you have a good day?” 

“Yeah,” Harry says, nodding at the waiter as he fills up Harry’s water glass. “Thanks. My mum and my sister were down the last couple of days, so we went and got lunch, did a little shopping in the afternoon. I actually bought this shirt today, a little present for myself.” He tugs a little at the bow, adjusting it like it’s a bowtie, and Liam laughs. 

“It looks good,” Liam says. “I’m sorry if I’ve kept you from your family, though, for this.” He gestures out at the restaurant. It must be a bit of a letdown, Liam thinks, spending your birthday pretending to be on a date with someone, rather than going out and partying, getting yourself laid, whatever. Harry just shakes his head, though. 

“It’s fine, Liam. You are paying, though, right?” he says, and then he laughs at himself, which makes Liam smile. 

“Yeah, my treat,” he says, and then he remembers the gift bag on the ground by his feet. “Oh! I almost forgot, this is for you.” He picks up the bag and hands it to Harry, who looks surprised. 

“You didn’t have to get me anything,” he says softly, taking the bag out of Liam’s hands. He reaches inside and pulls out the small box, opening it and gasping. “Oh, Liam, I love it,” he says, and Liam lets out a breath. It’s not anything too special, just a ring he had spotted when he was out shopping the other day. He’d immediately thought of Harry when he saw it, and the fact that he’s never met Harry without at least two rings on each hand. Harry takes the ring out of the box, pulling it close to his face to examine the signet on it. He smiles as he slips it on a finger, holding his hand out to look at it. “It’s gorgeous,” he says. “Thank you so much.” 

“No problem,” Liam says, feeling warm inside at Harry’s reaction. “I’m glad you like it. Happy birthday.” Harry grins at him across the table, and Liam smiles back. In the back of his mind, he’s thinking that if the paps are getting shots of the dinner, he hopes they get one of this moment. 

The waiter comes shortly after, and they order. Their conversation remains steady throughout the meal, and Liam hides a smile into his wine glass a few times when Harry’s eyes dart back to the ring sitting snugly on his finger. At the end of the meal, Liam walks Harry to his car. There aren’t any paps--at least visible ones--but that doesn’t stop Liam from pulling Harry into a hug before he gets into his car. 

“I had a good time,” he says. “Happy birthday, again.”

“Thanks, Liam,” Harry says quietly, pulling back slowly from Liam’s hug. “I had a really good time.” He looks thoughtful for a moment, eyes darting around like he’s trying to make a decision before he obviously chooses and his eyes lock back on Liam. He moves in and presses his lips to Liam’s softly. Liam’s too shocked to move for a moment before his brain comes back online and he starts to move his lips tentatively back against Harry’s. Harry pulls back after a moment, the kiss chaste, and he smiles at Liam coyly before he gets in his car. “Bye, Liam,” he says, and then the door closes and the car moves away. 

Liam stands rooted in his spot for a moment before he can move himself, walking towards his own car. He can’t figure out exactly _why_ Harry would have kissed him, but then he remembers the way Harry’s eyes had looked around before he did it. He must have spotted a pap, wanted to give them the good shot. It sends a sinking feeling in Liam’s stomach, though he knows it was the right thing for Harry to do. 

When he gets home that night and sees the pictures already up on the internet, Liam’s suspicions are confirmed. Of course they are. Why would Harry kiss him otherwise?

*

_Instagram post from Liam Payne, 1 February 2018_

_**[Image description: Harry sat on a couch in Liam’s flat, wearing a yellow sweater. He’s leaning his head on his hand and looking at the camera; a snapshot during the middle of a conversation.]** _

**@liampayne:** happy birthday H, thank you for everything [heart emoji]

_**Liked by niallhoran, harrystyles, and 543,847 others** _

**@harrystyles:** Thanks, Li xx

*

Two days after his dinner with Harry, Liam’s getting dressed in his room, debating between two different bomber jackets. “Louis!” he calls. “Can you help me a minute?” He checks his watch quickly while Louis walks over from the hall. Harry’s due over in just under half an hour, and they’re supposed to get a car to the club together. Liam’s definitely not nervous about that, or about the fact that they’ll have to act like a couple for the whole party, since there will be cameras throughout. 

Louis ambles into the room, Freddie propped up on his hip. “What’s up?” he asks.

“I need help with my outfit,” Liam says. Louis looks him up and down, taking in his black jeans and simple black t-shirt. 

“You look fine now, mate,” Louis says, and Liam resists rolling his eyes. Of course Louis would say that, comfortable in his trackie bottoms and wrinkled shirt. He’s got Freddie wearing something similar, which is, Liam admits, quite adorable. 

“I need something on top,” Liam says, gesturing to the jackets he’s got laid out on his bed. “This is too plain.” Louis looks over to the jackets, stepping closer and eyeing them both. 

“I’ll be honest, Payno, these look exactly the same to me,” Louis says. “Maybe Freddie’s got a better idea. What d’you reckon, lad? Which should Uncle Li wear to his party?” He puts Freddie down on the ground, giving him a closer look at the jackets. Liam snorts, wondering how some of his more fashionable mates would react if he said a toddler had picked out his jacket. Freddie seems to understand Louis, though, and he points to the jacket on the right. It’s copper colored and velvet, a material that Liam had coveted when he saw it on a stylist’s rack at one of his photoshoots. “Guess it’s that one,” Louis says, and they both laugh when Liam picks it up with a shrug. 

Liam pulls it on, adjusting it so it rests comfortably on his shoulders. “How’s it look?” 

“Good,” Louis says. “If you weren’t taken there’d be a line of people wanting to take you home.”

“I’m not taken, Lou,” Liam says, stepping through to his bathroom to take one last look at himself in the mirror. “Are you gonna stay here tonight?” he asks as he walks back into the bedroom. It’s not unheard of, and Liam thinks he might like it, since it’ll mean he’ll have company in the morning. 

“Can’t,” Louis says apologetically. “We’ve got the play circle round ours tomorrow morning.”

“Damn, I’m sorry I’m missing that,” Liam says, and Louis laughs, throwing a punch at Liam’s shoulder that Liam dodges easily. He heads down to his living room, intending to start helping Louis pick up the toys Freddie had strewn about the room when his buzzer goes. 

“That’ll be your gentleman caller,” Louis says from behind him, and Liam rolls his eyes, going to get the door. Sure enough, Harry is standing on the other side, and Liam nearly chokes on his greeting when he takes in Harry’s outfit. He’s wearing a black shirt with flowers printed on it, though the fabric is sheer enough that Liam can see Harry’s chest through the fabric. And he’s paired it with-- _Christ Almighty_ \--a pair of _leather_ pants.

“Uh, hey, Harry,” Liam stutters out, still caught up on the sight of Harry’s thighs encased in tight leather. He steps aside, letting Harry into the house. 

“Hey, Li,” he says, then looks down with a surprised look on his face. “Who’s this?” he asks, and Liam follows his eyes to where Freddie’s toddled into the room. Liam leans down and picks him up, tickling at his stomach a bit and laughing when it makes him squirm. 

“This is Freddie, Louis’ son. Freddie, this is my friend Harry,” Liam says. Freddie smiles his gap-toothed grin at Harry and says hello. Harry, of all things, reaches out to shake Freddie’s little hand. 

“It’s nice to meet you, Freddie,” he says seriously, like he’s meeting a businessman and not a toddler wearing his pajamas. Harry stands back up and looks over Liam’s shoulder, saying, “hey, Louis.” Liam turns slightly, following Harry’s gaze, and sees Louis stood in the doorway, smirking at them. 

“Nice to see you again, Harry,” Louis says, stepping forward and taking Freddie out of Liam’s arms gently. “We were just getting going, actually. We’ll leave you two to your big night. Happy belated, by the way.”

“Thanks,” Harry says, watching as Louis grabs together their things. “Have a good night.” He sounds a little bemused, which Liam supposes can happen around one Louis Tomlinson. 

“I’ll talk to you later, yeah, Lou?” Liam says, and Louis calls back an affirmative before he’s out the door. There’s a beat of silence between Liam and Harry after the door closes. “Anyway,” Liam starts, “are you looking forward to tonight?” 

“Yeah!” Harry says, practically bouncing in place. “It’s been ages since I’ve had a good night out, probably since New Year’s really.” That’s right, Liam thinks, they’ve been on a sort of lockdown since then, with all the press and rumours. Not to mention that it wouldn’t be the best look for Harry to go out on the pull when he’s meant to be dating Liam. Liam wonders how Harry’s handling that, the sort of celibacy that’s been imposed on him. Liam’s grown accustomed to it, what with the amount of time he’s spent on the road, not wanting to go through the hassle it takes for someone with his career and popularity to have a one night stand. Harry’s probably never had to go through that, though, and Liam feels a bit bad that he’s making him so hard up. 

“Shouldn’t keep the car waiting too long, then,” Liam says, gesturing towards the door. Harry leads them out and into the back of the car idling outside. Liam greets the driver quietly, reminding him of the address, and then they’re off. Harry spends the ride alternating between looking out the window and telling Liam about a shoot he had been on the other day, during which the photographer and the artistic director had gotten into a fight over the “vision” of the project, ensuring that Harry was on set for hours longer than he needed to be. Liam mostly spends his ride watching Harry and admiring the way the streetlights flicker across his face. They pull up to the club faster than Liam would like. 

There’s paps outside the club, of course; Liam’s fairly sure half the celebrities currently in London are on the other side of those doors. Liam wonders how many actually know Harry, rather than just know _of_ him. It’s a question Liam’s had about himself before, walking into parties like this, that are supposedly in his honor. Sometimes he feels like people use these things more as an opportunity to get their names in the papers than anything else. Though, he supposes, he’s doing the same thing tonight, attending this party for Harry. Hell, half the reason so many celebrities are even at this party is because Liam’s team pulled some strings, let it slip that Liam would be there and so would the press. He feels a bit guilty, using Harry like this, especially on his birthday; it’s the same guilt he’s been feeling more and more recently, as his fans have continued to show him love and support and he just continues to lie to them about his relationship. 

“Li?” Harry asks, leaning in close to be heard over the noise of camera shutters and pulling Liam out of his own head. “You all right?” 

Liam forces a smile onto his face, nodding at Harry and placing a hand on the small of his back to lead him inside. If possible, the din gets louder at the movement, and Liam moves a bit faster, wanting to get them behind the safety of the closed door. Not that it’ll be any quieter or more private--the music will be blasting and there will be people with cell phones all over, eager to document the party. Still, Liam breathes out a sigh of relief when the door shuts behind them, still blinking rapidly to rid his eyes of the afterimages of flashbulbs. When he opens them fully, Harry’s grinning at him, and Liam’s helpless but to grin back. 

He draws his gaze away from Harry for a moment, scanning over the crowd that’s already built up inside the club. It’s not packed, exactly, but there’s a sizable amount of people there, chatting at the bar or dancing to the club mix the DJ’s got spinning. Liam wonders if Nick’s going to put in a shift at the DJ booth before the night is out; God knows he would play something better. He does spot some people he knows: a few members of the crew, some model friends of Harry’s that he recognises from Harry’s Instagram, and he even spots Niall holding court by the bar. He turns back to Harry with a grin that feels more genuine this time, saying, “you ready, birthday boy?” 

Harry turns to him, looking like he’d been doing much the same as Liam had. “Yeah,” he says, ecstatic grin stretching his face, dimples popping out on his checks, “let’s go.” Harry grabs Liam by the hand and they start making their way through the crowd, except they kept being pulled to the side by people wishing Harry a happy birthday, all of them wanting to have a conversation with Harry. Harry’s fully willing, stopping with a smile and kind words each time, but after the fifth person comes up, Liam leans in to whisper in Harry’s ear. “I’m going to get some drinks, okay?” Harry nods, shooting a grateful smile over at Liam before he turns back to whoever he’s speaking to. Liam takes the opportunity to weave his way through the crowd, nodding at the few people who say hello to him, taking quite a few pats on the back with a grin and quick wave.

He gets to the bar, clapping his hands over Niall’s shoulders when he comes up behind him, causing Niall to jump slightly. “Jesus, Payno,” he says, looking over his shoulder as Liam laughs at him. “Don’t do that, mate.” 

“Sorry, Nialler,” Liam says, squeezing in next to him at the bar and ruffling Niall’s hair a bit, making him curse and duck his head. Liam laughs again, since Niall would only care that much about his hair if he was trying to pull tonight. “You good?” he asks, waving down the bartender and ordering drinks for him and Harry. 

“Yeah,” Niall says back, leaning in closer to be heard, “it’s a great party, mate. I’ll have to thank Harry for inviting me.” 

“You’re just glad to be at a party with supermodels,” Liam laughs, shoving at Niall’s shoulder. Niall shrugs goodnaturedly, like Liam’s got him pinned but he’s not angry about it, and Liam grins as he turns back to the bar. The bartender brings over his drinks and he grabs them, turning around to go find Harry in the crowd. 

“Go get _your_ supermodel, Li!” Niall calls after him, and Liam wishes he had a free hand to flick him off behind his back.

He finds Harry where he left him, only more people have come up to him so he’s practically surrounded. Liam’s wondering how he’s going to get through the circle of well-wishers without spilling either of the drinks in his hand when Harry calls out, “Liam!” and reaches a hand out to pull him in. Most of the circle calls Liam’s name out in kind, though when he looks around Liam’s not quite sure he’s met any of them before. He hands Harry his drink, biting down on a laugh when Harry smiles at him gratefully and then downs half the glass in one. 

“It’s so great to finally meet you, Liam,” someone says, putting their hand on Liam’s arm. Liam turns to see a woman, someone who looks vaguely familiar but he can’t quite put his finger on it. “You’re the only think Harry will talk about on shoots anymore,” she continues with a rather high-pitched laugh, and Liam turns to Harry with a raised eyebrow. Harry rolls his eyes subtly, and Liam reckons that maybe this is one of those friends Harry told him about at the coffee shop, who care more about being seen than anything else. No wonder the only common ground Harry could find with them would be discussing famous boyfriends. 

“It’s nice to meet you as well,” he says, politely, though he still hasn’t got any clue who she is. Her hand is still on his arm, but he’s not quite sure how to get her to move it. Harry seems to notice, though, because he reaches and grabs Liam’s hand again, pulling him in close. 

He leans in to whisper in Liam’s ear, “save me,” and Liam tries not to get distracted by the feeling of Harry’s breath, warm on the side of his face. 

“Oh,” Liam says, turning to Harry, “I ran into Nick at the bar, he wants to see you.” 

“Oh, yeah, I should go say hi,” Harry says, widening his eyes at Liam gratefully. They leave the circle, not without a chorus of _happy birthday_ s, and walk towards the bar. Harry lets out a groan as soon as they’re out of earshot. “Jesus,” he says, leaning up against the bar when they reach it, “sometimes talking to that lot is insufferable.”

Liam laughs, flagging the bartender down for two more drinks, though he’s barely sipped at his first one. It looks like Harry could use it. “Sorry, mate,” he says. “At least there’s more people here who you can talk to.” 

Harry snorts, eyeing the large crowd that’s amassed in the club. “Not sure I’ve met half the people here,” he muses, then turns back to the bar just as the bartender drops off their drinks. “Oh, cheers.”

“Think it’s my job tonight to get you drinks,” Liam says, and Harry smiles at him over the rim of his glass. 

“Sounds perfect,” he says.

Liam holds up his end of the bargain easily, staying by Harry’s side most of the night and making sure there’s always a drink waiting when he wants one. It should feel strange, he thinks, to follow Harry as he makes his way around the room, talking to his friends, but it’s comfortable. A lot of Harry’s mates are also Liam’s mates, mostly members of Grimmy’s crew, so Liam doesn’t feel out of place talking to them. They end up spending most of the night sat at a booth with Nick, Niall, Pixie, Aimee, and Daisy, with others coming and going. Harry presses up close to Liam in the booth, and only seems to get closer with alcohol.

“Oh,” he perks up at one point, “I love this song.” He turns to Liam, speaking into his ear. “Wanna dance?” 

“Er,” Liam says, shifting a bit, “I’m not sure. You should, though.” 

“Leeyum,” Harry whines in his ear. Liam doesn’t think about the way his name sounds coming from Harry’s lips like that. “It’ll be no fun on my own,” Harry continues, and Liam can _feel_ him pouting, though he’s not looking at him. Harry moves closer, if that’s even possible, and whispers into Liam’s ear, “what would you do if you were with your boyfriend?” 

Liam closes his eyes, feels a sense of resolution wash over him. Harry’s right--if Liam were with his boyfriend, they’d be out on the dancefloor already, dancing close and stealing kisses. It’s what he would be doing, only Harry’s not his boyfriend, and he’s not sure how he’ll handle his growing crush on the boy if they’re pressed together, dancing. He opens his eyes and nods at Harry, tries not to lose his breath when Harry beams at him. 

They get out on the dancefloor, and Liam tries to keep a distance between them, tries to move his body to the music without really touching Harry. He’s never been a terrible dancer, per se, and he’s definitely been able to pick up on choreography, but he knows he must look awkward like this, ostensibly dancing with Harry but keeping a clean three feet in between them. It goes on like that for most of one song, until Harry rolls his eyes and pulls him in closer, wrapping his arms around Liam’s shoulders. “C’mon, Li, just pretend you’re with your boyfriend,” he says into Liam’s ear, and Liam tightens his hand on Harry’s waist. It’s an involuntary reaction to Harry’s words, but Harry laughs lowly in his ear. “Now you’ve got it,” he says, before he starts to move his hips to the beat of the song playing. 

The more they dance, the easier it is for Liam to forget himself. It’s not something he does often, and definitely not in public, when there are cameras around, but he lets it happen with Harry. Maybe he’s doing it because whatever gets out to the media would be good for their long-term goal, or maybe because he wants to prove something to Harry, he’s not sure. What he does know is that after a few minutes, he turns Harry around in his arms, pulling Harry’s hips flush back against his. Harry tips his head back, lets it rest against Liam’s shoulder, and Liam can see the smile stretching his face, the sweat running down his neck. “That’s good, Li,” he says, and he sounds a bit out of breath, which brings a smug smile to Liam’s face. 

He grips his hands on Harry’s hips tighter, moving them so their hips are grinding together to the slow beat of the song the DJ has on. Harry gives as good as he gets, pressing himself back up against Liam and moving his hands to rest on Liam’s own. The longer they move together, the more Liam can feel himself stiffening up in his pants. When it first starts to become noticeable, Liam starts to move away, not wanting Harry to feel uncomfortable--they’re meant to be putting on a show, not crossing whatever invisible boundaries they’ve set up. But Harry makes a protesting noise in his throat that Liam can just hear over the music and pushes himself back into Liam harder. Liam knows Harry must be able to feel him, but Harry just tilts his head back to kiss the underside of Liam’s jaw and mutters, “what would you do with your boyfriend now?” 

That doesn’t break whatever spell Liam’s under, though maybe it should. Maybe he should really step away now, should go to the toilet and calm himself down, should come back and keep a healthy distance between himself and Harry. That’s not what he does, though. Instead, he uses his grip on Harry’s hips to spin him around in Liam’s arms, and he presses his lips to Harry’s. 

Harry makes a shocked sound at the kiss, but he doesn’t move away, so Liam uses the slight gap in Harry’s lips to slip his tongue inside. They’ve never kissed like this, kept everything mostly chaste until now, but now that Liam’s had a taste he’s not sure how he could ever give it up. Harry may have been shocked when Liam first kissed him, but he’s giving back as good as he gets now, and Liam can’t stop the helpless sounds that bubbles up when Harry bites down on his bottom lip. He pulls back, taking in Harry’s face, his slick pink lips, his dilated eyes. 

“We should go,” he says, though he just pulls Harry in closer to him. Harry bites his lip, and Liam can feel him hard against his thigh. He leans in for another kiss, one that turns dirty even faster than the first. Liam doesn’t want to pull away, but he also doesn’t want to take this further in front of all of the people there. Harry hums against his mouth, their hips still moving against each other, and Liam forces himself to pull away again. “Babe, we should really go.” 

“Yeah,” Harry says, eyes still locked onto Liam’s mouth. He blinks, shaking his head like he’s shaking himself awake, and then looks into Liam’s eyes. “Let’s go.”

They head for the door, and while several people try to come speak to them, Harry only nods at them briefly before continuing his path for the door. Liam feels bad--they are leaving a party in Harry’s honor--but the feeling passes quickly when they reach the door, Harry asking for a car to pull around before pressing Liam against the wall again and latching his mouth onto Liam’s neck. He’s paying particular attention to the area around Liam’s birthmark, and Liam can hear him muttering something in between kisses, but he can’t make it out over the music. It takes a few tries for the doorman to get their attention to let them know the car is there, but eventually Liam notices. He bundles Harry out to the car, hoping the paps outside aren’t catching too many inappropriate shots, since Harry seems to have left all his inhibitions in the club. 

In the car, it’s much the same--Liam’s just barely able to tell the driver the address before Harry’s on him, practically attacking Liam’s mouth with his own. “Haz,” Liam says, huffing out a laugh. “Hazza, slow down.” 

Harry practically whines when Liam pushes him away. “What?” he asks, furrowing his brows at Liam. Liam smiles, pressing a quick peck on Harry’s bottom lip where it juts out slightly, nearly a pout. 

“Just want you to slow down, babe. We’ve got time.” He’s not sure if they do, really, since he’s still waiting for the other shoe to drop, for Harry to realize what he’s doing and to stop it. Liam’s long since given up pretending this doesn’t mean something more for him. He thinks he fell for Harry after their first kiss, but he can’t let Harry know that. As far as he knows, this is Harry getting something out of his system, pulling the only person he could at his birthday party. And Liam’s not complaining about it, even if it’s only one night. 

“Yeah,” Harry says lowly, nodding to himself. “Alright.” He leans in again to kiss Liam, but this one is more languid, free of some of the frantic energy from before. Harry’s still letting out these little noises against Liam’s mouth, cut-off moans and whines that he can’t seem to stop himself from making. Liam’s quickly becoming addicted to the sound, and he’s not sure he can wait much longer to see what other noises he can get out of Harry. 

Luckily, the car pulls up outside of Liam’s house then. Liam thanks the driver quickly before getting out of the car, towing Harry along behind him into the house. They barely stop long enough to take their jackets and shoes off at the door before Liam’s leading them to the bedroom, Harry giggling behind him as he nearly trips over some shoes he’d left strewn over the floor. 

Harry stops laughing, though, when they get into the bedroom. His eyes are dark in the low light, and Liam feels slightly caught in his gaze. He takes a step closer to Harry, reaching a hand out to rest lightly on Harry’s waist. Harry steps closer as well, his hands coming to rest on Liam’s chest. It feels like they’re being more tentative in the quiet of Liam’s bedroom than they were in the club, but Liam doesn’t want this any less. He leans in a bit more, but stops before their mouths touch. “Are you sure?” he whispers, resting their foreheads together.

“Yes,” Harry whispers back, and then he leans in the rest of the way and presses his mouth against Liam’s. Liam presses back immediately, brushing his tongue along Harry’s lower lip. He turns them so Harry’s back is facing the bed, walking forward until Harry’s knees press against the mattress. He pushes Harry into a sitting position, breaking the kiss, and smirks when Harry looks a bit put out at the loss of contact. 

“Wanna blow you,” he explains, because it’s true. Liam’s wanted that since maybe the minute he first saw Harry Styles. And who could blame him, really, with the way Harry’s jeans never leave anything to the imagination and the way he always sits with his legs spread wide...Liam’s been having fantasies about it for weeks. 

“Sounds good, babe,” Harry says, leaning back on his elbows. Liam doesn’t really like how calm he looks, wants to get him back to the near-desperate state he was in at the club. He drops to his knees, rubbing his hands up and down Harry’s thighs a few times before he reaches up to undo Harry’s zipper. 

“Wanted to take these off of you the moment I saw you,” he says as he starts to pull the leather down over Harry’s thighs. Harry’s not wearing any pants under them, which Liam can’t say he’s surprised by. 

“Wanted you to,” Harry says, lifting his hips up to help Liam take the pants off him. “S’why I wore them.” 

Liam’s not quite sure what to say to _that_ , since it seems to be opening a can of worms he’s not sure they should open. He instead decides to reply by taking Harry’s cock into his mouth. Harry lets out a socked groan when he does, and Liam feels a bit smug. 

Almost as if he can tell, Harry glares down at him, though the heat is belied by the noises that keep coming out of his mouth. “Don’t laugh,” he says. 

Liam pulls off for a moment. “Bit too busy down here to be laughing, mate,” he says, before he takes Harry down again. He hasn’t got to sing for a little bit, still on a break from performing, so he’s able to take Harry down deep. Harry moans, his hands going into Liam’s hair. He doesn’t try to guide Liam, though Liam doesn’t think he would mind if Harry did. 

Liam pulls off for a moment to catch his breath, busying himself with licking around the head of Harry’s cock. Harry’s hands tighten in his hair. “Fuck, fuck,” Harry pants. “I’m close, Liam.” 

Liam redoubles his efforts at that, wanting to get Harry off. He wants to _see_ Harry get off, though, so he looks up at Harry’s face. Just as they make eye contact, Harry closes his eyes and moans. It only takes a bit longer for Harry to come, hands tugging at Liam's hair as he does. 

Harry collapses back against the bed after, loosening his grip on Liam. Liam pulls off, reaching down to palm himself through his trousers for a bit of relief. 

“Fuck, Liam,” Harry says after a moment, letting out a shaky laugh. “That was amazing. Get up here.”

Liam doesn't need to be told twice, so he crawls up the bed to lie down next to Harry. Harry kisses him, not seeming to care where his mouth has just been, and reaches for his zipper at the same time. Liam's about to pull away, tell Harry that he doesn't need to, when Harry sticks his hand right in Liam's pants and grips his dick. Liam moans into Harry's mouth instead.

Harry sets an unforgiving pace, gripping Liam firmly. Liam pulls away from Harry’s mouth, turning to breathe heavily into Harry’s shoulder instead. Harry keeps going, jerking Liam off with a grip that’s _just_ on the side of painful. Liam loves it, though, thrusting his hips into Harry’s hand and moaning into his shoulder. 

“Come on,” Harry mutters, gripping Liam just a bit tighter. Liam moans again, moving his hips faster into Harry’s grip. It takes a few more strokes and Harry twisting his hand around the head of Liam’s dick for Liam to come, spilling over Harry’s hand. 

They lay there for a moment, panting. Liam turns his head from Harry’s shoulder and places another kiss against Harry’s mouth. He lets the kiss linger for a few seconds before he pulls away, walking to the bathroom. He brushes his teeth quickly and wets a flannel before taking it back out to the bedroom. He hands it to Harry, helping him clean off his hand, and then the night catches up to him and he lets out a loud yawn. 

Harry laughs a little. “Lie down,” he says. “I’m going to brush my teeth and then join you.”

“There’s an extra brush under the sink,” Liam says, already falling onto the mattress. Harry laughs again before he gets off the bed. Liam hears the water running in the bathroom briefly, and he’s most of the way to sleep when Harry comes back into the bedroom and turns off the light. 

“Night, Li,” Harry says, crawling into bed beside Liam, and Liam just mumbles out a response before he slips off into sleep. 

*

 **Daily Mail Celebrity** @DailyMailCeleb

_**Liam Payne and new boyfriend Harry Styles seemed pretty cozy last night as they left Styles’ birthday bash: dailymail.co.uk/r5dk39jg** _

**Daily Liam Updates!** @LiamPayneUpdater

_**New photos of Liam with Harry Styles leaving Harry’s birthday party, via Daily Mail! (02/03)** _

**_[Image description: Paparazzi photos of Liam and Harry leaving a club. Harry is leaning against Liam, with Liam’s arms around him supporting him. Harry’s face is hidden in a few of the photos, pressed against Liam’s neck.]_ **

**Daily Liam Updates!** @LiamPayneUpdater

_**Note: the article refers to Harry as Liam’s boyfriend. There hasn’t been confirmation on this from Liam or Harry, so we’d like to respect their privacy and won’t be referring to Harry that way until there is a statement from one of them.** _

*

Liam wakes up the next morning alone in his bed. He’s a bit disoriented for a moment, not sure why it feels wrong for him to be alone. Then he remembers the night before, and Harry, and he shoots up in bed. 

A feeling of worry starts to settle in his stomach when sees that Harry isn’t anywhere in the room, nor does it look like he’s in the bathroom. His clothes are gone off the floor too, and Liam feels absolute terror thinking he’s fucked it all up. He should’ve stopped it last night before it got too far, should have put Harry in a cab back to his instead of taking him home. Now he’s bollocksed it all up and Harry’s gone, and what if it all gets out to the press?

Before he can get too far down that line of thinking, there’s a crash from the kitchen and the sound of someone cursing under their breath. Liam sags in relief when he recognizes Harry’s voice. 

He gets up and pulls on a pair of sweats before making his way downstairs. Harry’s standing in his kitchen, dressed in his clothes from the night before and frowning at a pan on Liam’s stove. “Good morning,” Liam says as he steps into the room. 

“Oh! Morning,” Harry says, turning to him and smiling. “Did I wake you? I knocked over some pans when I was getting this out.” 

“I was already up,” Liam says. He doesn’t mention that he was nearly panicking while thinking that Harry had left. “What’re you making?” 

“Just eggs and toast,” Harry says. He looks down, shuffles his socked feet against the floor. It’s awkward between them, like it hasn’t been in a while now. Liam knows it’s because of what happened last night. 

“Um,” he starts, eloquently. He clears his throat before he speaks again. “About, well about last night--”

“Don’t worry about it,” Harry interrupts him. He looks up at Liam with a wide grin. “No big deal, yeah? I mean, let’s just say that when you do get a real boyfriend he’s going to be a lucky guy.” Harry wiggles his brows at Liam. Liam’s not quite sure how to respond, so he stands there, probably looking like a right idiot. Harry steps forward and claps Liam on the shoulder. “Listen, it really isn’t a big deal. What’s a bit of getting off between mates?”

“Right,” Liam says after a moment. Harry gives him one last smile before he turns back to cooking their breakfast, and Liam ignores the tight feeling in his chest at Harry’s words. Just a bit of getting off between mates, he thinks. Of course that’s all Harry would think of it as. Why would he think anything different?

*

 **Harry Styles.** @Harry_Styles

_**I’m on the cover of @AnotherMan this month. Check it out, maybe? anothermanmag.com/library/014569** _

**hanna** @sunnyliam

_**harry is sooo pretty [heart eyes emoji] liam is so lucky honestly** _

**Harry Styles. and 3 others liked a Tweet from hanna.**

*

The Brit Awards are two weeks after Harry’s party. It’s meant to be Liam and Harry’s first red carpet outing together as a couple, and Liam would be lying if he said he wasn’t bricking it. There hadn’t been any lingering awkwardness between him and Harry after they hooked up--Harry seemed adamant not to let there be any. They’d been spending a lot of time together, but most of it was semi-privately: a few more dinner dates, attending a couple of Nick’s parties together. It was all enough that most of the press and fans were sure they were together, but there’d still been no explicit confirmation. The Brits was going to change that, and Liam’s scared. 

He’s scared of how his relationship with Harry will change when they’re placed even further under the microscope. They’ve got a good thing going now, Liam thinks, even if he’s never going to get everything he wants from Harry. He’s fine to be his friend and to live with the memory of their night together. It might make him the most pathetic person alive, half in love with the bloke he’s asked to be his fake boyfriend, but he’s willing to accept it. 

Louis, on the other hand, isn’t willing to let Liam accept it. Liam had made the mistake of telling him about the night of Harry’s birthday, and he’d been hounding Liam ever since to tell Harry how he feels. And according to him, the best time to come clean would be at the Brits. 

“Louis, no,” Liam says down the phone for the fifth time. He pinches the bridge of his nose, hoping to stave off the headache he can feel coming on. The last thing he needs is to go on a red carpet with a migraine. “Tonight’s...not right.” 

“Why not?” Louis asks. “You’re gonna win your awards, you’ll want to celebrate, and you can tell Harry that you want to celebrate with him. In bed. Doing--”

“ _Yes_ , Louis, I get the picture. It’s still not going to happen.”

“Why not?” Louis repeats. He sounds genuinely curious, and Liam sighs. He checks his watch quickly; he’s got about 20 minutes until his styling team shows up to get him ready for the red carpet. 

“Because the day after it happened, he said it was just mates. Because every time we’ve had a moment where I think I can tell him, he pulls away and says something about how whenever I get a _real_ boyfriend he’ll be lucky. I just don’t think he feels the same way, Louis. And we’re meant to break up in a few weeks anyway. I’d rather have him as a mate than lose him because he doesn’t like me back.” 

Louis lets out a breath on the other end of the phone. “Alright,” he says, after a beat. “I trust you, Li. I just want you happy, yeah?” 

“Yeah,” Liam says, “me too.” They end the conversation shortly after that, and soon Liam’s team floods his house. They dress him in a velvet suit, and they let him wear his glasses this time, which Liam’s glad for. Harry shows up a bit before they need to get in the car, wearing black pants and a black shirt with a cropped white jacket--“complimentary, but not matching,” he says with a grin as the stylists look them over. 

They get into the car, and the ride over to the ceremony passes in relative silence. As the car creeps along the line leading up to the red carpet, Liam’s stomach coils further with nerves. When they’re only one car back from getting out, Harry reaches over and takes his hand. “Ready?” he asks with a calm smile when Liam looks over at him. 

The car pulls up further, and an attendant steps up to open Liam’s door. He takes a deep breath and looks back at Harry. “Yeah,” he says, and then the door opens and they step out into the madness. 

*

_Excerpt from BRIT Awards telecast, 21 February 2018_

_Little Mix stands on the stage presenting the award for British Male Solo Artist. “And the winner is...Liam Payne!”_

_Applause from the audience. Liam Payne gives a quick kiss to his date, Harry Styles. He stands and walks to the stage, taking the award and pressing kisses on the girls’ cheeks. He steps up to the microphone._

_“Wow, thank you so much. Um, I’d like to thank my team, and everyone at the label as well. This has been a big year for me, and I want to thank my fans for all their continued support. I wouldn’t be able to do this without them, and their support in the past couple months especially has been really meaningful. And...obviously thank you to all my family and friends...and Harry, thank you for everything.”_

_Payne lifts the award and says one last thank you before heading off the stage._

*

The Brits after party is intense. Liam’s still in a bit of a daze from the whole night, from the madhouse of the red carpet to the surprise of winning three awards to Harry’s steady presence at his side all night. It’s enough to do his head in, which is probably why the room starts spinning after only two drinks. Well, combined with all the champagne they’d drank during the ceremony. Liam loves the Brits. 

“I love the Brits,” he says aloud, and Harry laughs next to him. 

“I’m not surprised,” he says, “considering they always give you those shiny statues.” 

“Shhh,” Liam says, swaying into Harry a bit. It’s possible he’s had a bit too much to drink, but Harry’s hands steady him easily. “That’s not why.” 

“It isn’t?” Harry says. He sounds amused. He’s probably not as drunk as Liam.

“No,” Liam whispers, leaning in like he’s going to tell Harry a secret, “it’s because of the free booze.” 

“Ah,” Harry says, and he’s definitely laughing at Liam now. “That’ll do it.”

Liam pulls away a bit, and he wants to tell Harry something, but he forgets what it is because Harry’s smiling and his mouth is pink and slightly wet from his drink and so very distracting. 

“You have a pretty mouth,” Liam says, because he has no filter when he’s drunk. Harry just smiles wider. 

“Thank you, Liam. Why don’t we get you some water now, huh?” 

“Okay,” Liam agrees, because water sounds nice. His mouth is very dry all of a sudden. “You’re the best, Haz. Taking care of me.” 

“It’s just some water,” Harry laughs as he flags down the bartender. 

“Noooo,” Liam whines. “Not just the water. Like,” he waves his hands around vaguely, “with everything. Helping me with all this. I’m really happy you agreed to do this.” 

“It’s not exactly a hardship, mate. But you’re welcome. Now drink this,” Harry says, passing Liam the water. Liam takes a sip and grins at Harry. He’s going to say something else when a body barrels into his side. 

“Liam Payne!” Nick shouts. “And Harry Styles!”

“Nick Grimshaw!” Liam shouts back. Harry just laughs. 

“Leeyum,” Nick says, leaning into Liam, “come on the show tomorrow morning. Straight through crew. Hazza, you should come too. It’ll be fun.”

Liam gasps. “That’s a great idea! Haz, isn’t that a great idea?”

Harry laughs lowly, slinging an arm around Liam’s waist as Liam leans into him. “Not so sure about that, Li. Don’t think it would be the best idea for you to get on the radio this drunk.” 

Liam pouts, and he can see Nick doing the same next to him. “I won’t be drunk by then, though!” Liam protests, but Harry only shakes his head. 

“Either way, your team isn’t going to appreciate it, I don’t think. Why don’t we just get you home?” he says, and suddenly Liam thinks that’s the best idea. 

“Yeah, that sounds good,” he says, leaning further into Harry’s side. Nick’s looking at them with a strange expression on his face, but Nick doesn’t know anything, really. Unless Harry’s told him, but Liam somehow doubts that. He wouldn’t be angry, if Harry had, since Liam had told Louis, but Nick’s never been good about keeping his mouth shut around his friends so if Harry told him, Liam would already know. “Let’s go, Haz,” Liam says, turning away from Nick’s curious eyes and towards Harry’s kind ones. 

“Alright,” Harry says with a soft smile, “let’s go.” 

*

 **British GQ** @BritishGQ

_**See all the best-dressed looks from last night’s Brit Awards here: gq.co.uk/sh98md** _

**a loves LIRRY** @paynosbitch

_**lirry is the most stylish couple WOW i love them so much [crying emoji]** _

**a loves LIRRY** @paynosbitch

**_also everyone who said i was wrong about them being together owes me money ok!!!! [nail-painting emoji]_ **

*

_Fan account of meeting Liam Payne and Harry Styles, 15 March 2018_

_**ok so there was a group of us standing outside the restaurant bc we had seen pics of liam and harry inside (like my friend and i realized how close we were to them and legit RAN over lol) but there were maybe 7 or 8 people? and they came out of the restaurant and they looked so cute like holding hands and laughing and stuff but basically liam came over and offered to take pictures so the other people there were with him and harry was standing back a bit, but my friend and i went up to him and told him we really loved some of his campaigns bc like rly i’ve watched harry as a model for a while and he’s so good. and he was SO NICE to us like chatted with us and seemed really happy we were talking to him it was so cute. so then liam was like going to leave and he grabbed harry’s hand to go but harry LEGIT was like “babe they didn’t get pictures yet” and i nearly DIED at him saying babe and then liam came over to take pics with us and like yeah it was probably the best night of my life i will NEVER get over it!!!!!** _

*

 _Excerpt from transcript of_ The Late Late Show with James Corden _, 18 April 2018_

_The show returns from commercial break, music and applause. James Corden sits at a round table across from Harry Styles and Ariana Grande, with various foods placed in front of them._

_“Welcome back to the show! I’m here with my guests Ariana Grande and Harry Styles, and we are going to play a little game of Spill Your Guts or Fill Your Guts.” Corden pauses for the band to play a short jingle for the game. “The rules of the game are simple: we will be asking questions to each other. If you answer truthfully, you don’t have to eat. If you decide not to answer, you have to eat the food.” Corden then shows off the foods on the table, all questionably edible. The camera pans to Styles and Grande, who look disgusted as Corden spins the food around._

_“Alright, Harry, you’ll go first. Do you have any preference for what you’d like?” Corden asks._

_“Not really,” Styles says, with a short laugh._

_“Give him the cow tongue,” Grande suggests. The audience laughs. Corden spins the table so that the cow tongue is in front of Styles._

_“This doesn’t look too bad,” he jokes. “I’ve had worse.” Corden and Grande look at the question card and begin to laugh amongst themselves._

_“Okay, Harry,” Corden says, “you’re dating Liam Payne. Can you tell us what your least favorite song of his is?” The audience laughs and cheers._

_“Er,” Styles says, laughing a bit, “I might get into some trouble.”_

_“Do you listen to his music?” Corden asks, and the audience laughs again._

_“Of course I do!” Styles says. “But, like, it’s not nice to say which songs are bad.”_

_“I agree with that,” Grande says. “I always want my boyfriend to just say he likes everything.”_

_Styles has a pained look on his face as he reaches for the cow tongue. The audience cheers. “Sorry, but I’ve really got to.” He takes a bite out of the tongue as Corden and Grande laugh._

**Liam Payne** @LiamPayne

_**I’ll find out the answer eventually, haz!! [crying laughing emoji] @Harry_Styles youtube.com/sdj903n** _

*

Liam and Harry were meant to break up amicably in May, releasing a statement to the public just a week before Liam’s next single drops and a few weeks before Harry walks in London Fashion Week. It would be good for both of them, getting their names back into the press to boost their careers a bit before everything quiets down. 

The problem is that their names haven’t been _out_ of the papers since the Brits, and it shows no signs of stopping. There’s another meeting with Harry and Liam and all their teams, where their teams gently suggest that _maybe_ they could stay together a bit longer. 

“There’s no pressure,” Charlie assures them, and Harry’s manager Jeff nods next to him, “and if you two want to go with the original schedule then that’s fine. But this has been good for both of you, so we wanted to suggest extending it. Just through the summer, when things will die down a bit more.” 

Liam’s not exactly surprised that their teams have suggested this, but he’s not sure what he’s going to say. He knows that he doesn’t want to give up seeing Harry almost every day. He doesn’t want to go out and not have someone by his side, holding his hand and kissing him. He definitely doesn’t want to feel the pity from his fans when they announce a breakup, since they’ve been so supportive of him and Harry together. 

But even with all of that, Liam knows that it wouldn’t be right to insist that Harry stay with him. This has always been a favor that Harry’s done for him, and he wouldn’t expect Harry would want to keep it up indefinitely. Liam doesn’t want to force Harry into something he doesn’t want to do; he wants Harry to choose this. He wants Harry to choose _him_. 

Liam and Harry look at each other. Liam shrugs, leaving the decision up to Harry. He’s got his own selfish reasons for wanting to stay with Harry, but that’s not quite up to him. Harry looks at him a beat longer, then turns to their teams and nods. “I don’t have a problem with that,” he says. 

“Me either,” Liam tacks on, when Charlie looks at him. The meeting wraps up shortly after that, but Harry calls out his name before he can leave. “What’s up?” he asks, when Harry pulls him aside. 

“Er, I was wondering if I could talk to you about something, but, like, not here,” he says, gesturing at the members of their teams still milling around. “Are you going back to yours?” 

“Yeah,” Liam says, “want to come round?” Harry nods.

Harry’d driven his own car to the office, so he tails Liam back to his house. Liam spends the drive in silence, wondering what Harry needs to talk to him about. He’d agreed to keep up with the relationship fairly easily at the meeting, but maybe he’d changed his mind? Or maybe he’d figured out exactly why Liam had no objections to continuing the charade and wants to confront him about it. It’s enough to have his stomach in knots by the time he pulls up in front of his house, Harry pulling in behind him only a minute later. 

They walk inside, and Harry sits on his couch while Liam gets them some drinks. Harry’s being pretty quiet, so Liam’s anxiety only grows as he walks back into his living room and hands Harry his cup. “So what’s up?” he asks, after a beat of silence. 

“This is a bit awkward to say,” Harry starts, with a huff of laughter. “But, well, since we’re going to be doing this for a bit longer I thought I’d mention it.” He doesn’t say anything else for a bit, and Liam’s about to press him on it when he opens his mouth again. “It’s just that, well, I haven’t gotten off with anyone since my birthday. And it’s getting to be a bit of a problem, now. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy to keep helping you out, but there’s only so much a man can do with just his hand.” 

“Um,” Liam says, eloquently. He’s a bit dumbstruck, because in all of the ways he’d imagined Harry bringing up their night together again, this wasn’t one of them. “Sorry?” 

“Yeah, I told you it was awkward,” Harry says with another laugh. “But, like, it’s not exactly like I can go out and pull someone, right, because it would get out to the press with all these stories about how I’m cheating on you and breaking your heart. So I was thinking, and like, feel free to say no, but we had a good time together, yeah? Maybe we could, I dunno, help each other out sometimes?”

Liam’s totally shocked. He would’ve never in a million years thought that Harry would suggest they start shagging. He opens his mouth, then closes it again when he realises he doesn’t know what to say. Harry sits there on his couch and watches him, waiting for a response. 

It’s a horrible idea. There’s a voice in his head that sounds a lot like Louis screaming all the reasons why it’s a bad idea, most importantly the fact that Liam’s arse over head in love with Harry and sleeping with him won’t help solve that. But all that flies out the window when Harry bites his lip nervously, and Liam finds himself opening his mouth and saying, “alright, yeah. We can do that. Sometimes.”

Harry sags back into the couch with a sigh of relief. “Okay, cool. That’s--um, thanks.” 

“No problem,” Liam says. There’s an awkward silence for a beat, then Liam clears his throat again and asks, “do you want to watch a film, or something?”

“Sure,” Harry says. Liam gets up to pull up Netflix, and turns on some romantic comedy his sister had told him to watch. He sits back down next to Harry on the couch, and they sit in silence for the first ten minutes of the movie. Liam’s trying to decide if he actually finds the plot interesting when Harry shifts a little, bringing himself closer. Their arms brush together now anytime either of them breathes, and Liam’s finding it very difficult to pay attention to the film. 

Suddenly, he’s reminded of the very first time he’d had a crush on a guy, way back when he was 14, before he tried out for The X Factor. George had been new at their school, and had somehow missed the memo that Liam was the class loser because he was actually _nice_ to Liam. And one day he came over and they sat and watched a movie just like this and Liam spent nearly the entire time trying to work up the courage to put his arm around George’s shoulders. He never was able to, and George left that afternoon with a smile and a see you around, and Liam tried out for X Factor two weeks later. 

He’s a long way from his parents’ cramped living room back in Wolverhampton, and the man sitting next to him has done a lot more than just smile at him in the hallway. So he lifts his arm and rests it along the back of the couch, just slightly above Harry’s shoulders. Harry leans into him immediately, which Liam takes as a sign that he can move his arm from the couch to actually touch Harry’s body. 

It’s not as though they’re uncomfortable with contact, since they regularly have to play that they’re dating in public, but it’s rare that they touch this much when they’re alone. Even when they’re just with their friends, so many of them don’t know the full truth that they have to be on. The last time they were like this with no prying eyes around was probably the night of Harry’s birthday. 

It’s memories of that night that are still running through his brain when Harry turns to him and says something. Liam doesn’t hear it at first, so he turns to ask Harry to repeat it, only for the words to get stuck in his throat when he realises just how close they are. “Liam,” Harry breathes out, eyes darting to Liam’s lips. 

Liam closes the distance between them before Harry says anything else. Liam’s kissed Harry a fair few times by now, but they haven’t kissed like this since they hooked up after Harry’s birthday. Just like then, Liam finds Harry’s mouth to be addicting. It doesn’t take long before Liam’s sitting back on the couch with Harry straddling him, with Harry’s shirt half-unbuttoned and Liam’s own rucked up his chest. 

Harry pulls back with a grin and leans in, speaking right into Liam’s ear. “You know what I’ve been thinking about since my birthday?” he asks, and follows it up by biting down on the sensitive skin beneath Liam’s ear. 

“What?” Liam pants out.

“Sucking you off.” Liam’s hands tighten on Harry’s hips, and Harry laughs a bit in his ear. “Can I?” 

“Of course,” Liam says, and Harry climbs off his lap to get to his knees in front of Liam. It’s a pretty fantastic sight, Liam thinks, one he shouldn’t get used to. He doesn’t think about it for much longer, though, because Harry takes him down deep in one swallow. Liam lets out a groan and throws his head back against the couch, hands coming up to tangle in Harry’s curls. 

Harry works him over quickly, which surprises Liam in the vague recess of his mind that had imagined this before. He’d always thought Harry would tease him, drag it out for as long as possible; instead, Harry seems to be getting off on this just as much as Liam is. He keeps letting out these little moans that vibrate against Liam’s dick in a mind-blowing sensation. At one point, Harry lets out a particularly loud moan, and Liam looks down to see he’s got his own pants undone and he’s jerking himself off. Liam moans at the sight, and Harry looks up at him with a smug twinkle in his eye. 

“Fuck, Haz,” Liam says, hands tightening in Harry’s hair. Harry moans at that, eyes rolling a bit, and Liam files that away for later. Right now, he’s already on the edge of coming, and Harry’s not slowing down. “I’m close,” Liam warns, in case Harry wants to pull off. Harry just nods, though, as best he can with Liam’s dick halfway down his throat. His hand starts moving faster on his own dick, and the sight pushes Liam over the edge. He comes with a groan, and Harry pulls off, panting against Liam’s knee as he comes himself after only a few more strokes. 

“Shit,” Liam pants, falling back against the couch. Harry looks up at him, head still on Liam’s knee, and grins. 

“I think this new arrangement could work,” he says, and Liam just laughs breathlessly, nodding.

*

 **Daily Liam Updates!** @LiamPayneUpdater

_**RUMOR | The Daily Mail reports that Liam and Harry will both feature in an upcoming Gucci photoshoot. No confirmation, but we can’t wait to see what comes out of it [heart eye emoji]** _

**tess** @forliamforever

_**lirry in gucci???? we are SO BLESSED wow** _

**a loves lirry!** @paynosbitch

_**a lirry gucci photoshoot...their MINDS. IF THIS RLY HAPPENS IM NEVER GONNA SHUT UP** _

*

They go on vacation in July, some posh villa in Cabo that Liam’s team rents out for a week. It’s paradise, or it’s meant to be, but that’s a bit hard when Liam’s stuck in a private villa with Harry for a whole week. And there’s only one bed. 

There’s paps at the airport, of course, so they’re holding hands, only Harry doesn’t let go when they get in the car, just holds on and tells Liam all about how excited he is to see everything around Cabo. It would be an understatement to say that Liam’s wound a bit tight by the time they reach the villa. It is beautiful--sat on top of a hill overlooking the ocean, with its own private pool. Harry drops his hand finally to go explore the villa, shouting excitedly over the soaker tub and the view from the bedroom. Liam stays out on the patio for a minute, looking over the view, and thinks that maybe it won’t be too bad. A relaxing vacation, it’s exactly what Liam needs. 

The first few days aren’t bad. They spend a lot of time in public, and their charade is practically second nature to them by now. It’s easy to kiss Harry over the table when they’re out for dinner, or to share a towel with him when they go out on a yacht, or to have Harry’s arms wrapped around him on a jet ski. That’s all easy. 

What’s difficult is when they sleep together at night, even if they don’t have sex. Harry always curls up right next to him and mutters something about how good of a cuddler he is. Liam wakes up hard every morning and has to take a cold shower before Harry wakes up, because though they’ve got this little arrangement Liam still feels like he’s taking advantage of Harry, since Harry doesn’t know the real extent of his feelings. 

It gets even harder when Harry starts to show casual affection in private. When they’re alone in the villa, he’ll still cuddle close to Liam on the couch. He’ll give Liam kisses on the cheek in thanks when Liam brings him a cup of tea or a soda. He’ll make faces in the mirror at Liam while they’re brushing their teeth at night to make Liam laugh and then kiss him on the corner of the mouth before bed. Liam’s getting frightfully close to the end of his rope, and he’s not sure how much longer he’ll be able to handle it all. 

It all comes to a head on the fourth day of their vacation. They’ve decided to spend it in the villa, sleeping in and then lounging by the pool, perhaps venturing out for dinner or drinks later on. Liam’s making breakfast in the kitchen, since he woke up early (and painfully hard behind Harry in the bed). The most he can manage for breakfast is scrambled eggs and bacon, but Harry still gives him a sleepy smile when he walks out of the bedroom in his boxers and an old t-shirt, curls still wild from the pillow. Liam plates him up some eggs and bacon and hands him the plate. 

“Thanks, babe,” Harry says, voice rough with sleep, and then he leans in and presses a kiss to Liam’s lips. That’s new, since Harry usually only kisses him on the cheek in private unless they’re fucking. It’s also what pushes Liam over the edge. 

“Harry, you can’t--you need to stop doing that,” he says, focusing on the pan so that he doesn’t have to look in Harry’s face. 

“Oh, um,” Harry says uncomfortably. “Sorry, I just--I didn’t think you had a problem with it.” 

Liam can’t help it, he laughs out loud. He turns away from the stove to see Harry standing pigeon-toed in front of him, looking hurt. “Harry, I _don’t_ have a problem with it. And _that’s_ what the bloody problem is!” he says, throwing his arms out to his sides helplessly. Harry’s brows furrow. 

“I don’t know what you mean.” 

Liam sighs. This isn’t exactly how he envisioned this conversation going, but then again he’d never really expected this conversation to _actually_ happen. “I don’t have a problem with you kissing me, Harry. I actually quite enjoy it.” 

“So what’s the issue then?” Harry says, and he sounds like he’s getting frustrated.

“The issue is that we aren’t together!” Liam snaps back. “The issue is that we’re going to break up as planned and you’re going to go off and be completely fine, and I’m going to be left broken-hearted because I was dumb enough to fall in love with my fake boyfriend!” He’s panting at the end of it, and he stares at Harry’s shocked face as he slowly realises exactly what he’s said. “Um,” he starts again, speaking more quietly this time, “I didn’t mean to like--tell you like that. Or tell you at all, really, so I’m just going to. Go.” 

Liam passes by a still stunned Harry to head back into the bedroom. He’s not exactly sure what he’s going to do, since they’re meant to be booked in the villa for the next few days, but he knows he can’t stay. He can’t stay and have Harry try to be nice, let him down easy, only to break his heart all the same. He makes it most of the way down the hall before Harry calls his name. 

“Liam! Liam, wait!” Harry says, rushing up and grabbing Liam’s arm. Liam stops, but he doesn’t turn around. “Look at me, please?” Harry says softly. Liam turns around. Harry’s standing in front of him with a smile on his face. 

“Harry, listen--” Liam starts, but Harry cuts him off, shaking his head. 

“Liam, no, it’s your turn to listen. Do you know why I’ve been kissing you? Why I’m just as tactile with you in private as I am in public?” he pauses, laughs. “Why I bloody suggested we start sleeping together?” Liam shrugs. He doesn’t have an answer, really, since he’d been too caught up in hiding his own feelings to think about Harry’s motivations. Harry laughs again, hand tightening around Liam’s wrist. “Because I figured I would take as much as I could. I didn’t know how long this would go on for, and I liked you so much. I still _do_ like you so much. And I, well, I’d quite like it if we didn’t break up.” 

“What?” Liam asks, because this is not at all what he expected from Harry. 

“Liam,” Harry says with a smile, “I love you too. Let’s tell our teams we aren’t going to break up, yeah?” Then he leans in and kisses Liam, and Liam reciprocates because he can’t do anything else. His head is still spinning, and he pulls back after a moment to look at Harry. 

“Are you--do you really mean it?” he asks, and Harry smiles and leans in for another peck. 

“Yeah,” he whispers against Liam’s mouth, “I really mean it.” 

Liam takes a step back, and Harry looks hurt for a moment until Liam slides his hand into Harry’s and starts tugging him down the hall to the bedroom. The look on Harry’s face is quickly replaced with a grin as they step into the bedroom. Liam turns them around so Harry’s back is to the bed and then lightly pushes him onto it, crawling on after to straddle his hips. Harry’s hands come up to Liam’s waist, toying with the waistband of his joggers. “Yeah?” he asks, one eyebrow quirked. 

“Yeah,” Liam says with a grin, leaning down to kiss Harry. He lets himself get lost in the kiss for a while, savoring the feel of Harry’s mouth against his own. He doesn’t have to force himself to stop, or to remind himself that Harry isn’t really his. He can finally enjoy himself with Harry without the nagging reminder in the back of his head that none of it is real. He pulls away from Harry when he needs to breathe, and is pleased when Harry looks just as wrecked as Liam feels. “Can I fuck you?” he asks, and Harry nods. 

“Yes,” Harry says, leaning in for another kiss. He adds on a “please,” when they pull apart, and Liam reaches into the side table for lube and a condom. He and Harry strip quickly; they’re both too worked up to tease. It doesn’t take long for Liam to slick his fingers and get two of them inside Harry, Harry’s hands gripping Liam’s shoulders tightly. “I’m ready, Liam,” Harry pants out, and Liam doesn’t need to be told twice. 

Liam sets a brutal pace from the beginning, and Harry meets him thrust for thrust. Liam knows this won’t be the last time they do this--maybe not even the last time they do this _today_ \--so he isn’t worried about coming too soon. Harry doesn’t seem to care either, since he reaches down to start jerking himself off to Liam’s rhythm. They come together shortly after, and Liam collapses on the bed next to Harry, feeling totally content. 

Later, after they clean off, they talk. Liam tells Harry how much he'd fancied him from the start, and how he never thought he'd have a chance since Harry always talked about everything being fake. Harry laughs and says that he'd had to say those things to remind himself that it _was_ fake and he didn't get to have Liam for keeps. “No need to worry about that now,” Liam says before he kisses Harry. 

A bit later, they manage to make it out to the terrace. Liam swims slow laps in the pool as Harry naps on the day bed. Liam gets out after a while and sits next to Harry, laughing when Harry complains about Liam dripping on him. He apologises by kissing Harry until they're both panting and half-hard, and then they both go inside for a shower together. 

That night Liam gets a text from Louis with a link to some pap shots of Harry and Liam from that afternoon. Liam hadn't even known there was a pap; he must've had one of those huge zoom lenses because while the pictures are slightly grainy, there's clear shots of Liam and Harry cuddled together sharing kisses. Liam smiles a bit, because he knows that none of it was for the cameras, it was all entirely real. 

Harry pads up behind him, wrapping arms around Liam's waist and resting his chin on Liam's shoulder to get a look at Liam's phone. “Well,” he murmurs into Liam's ear after a moment, “I suppose it's good I didn't blow you on the day bed, then.”

Liam laughs, leans back into Harry's embrace, and feels fully content in himself for the first time in a long while.

*

 _Excerpt from_ British GQ _’s profile of Harry Styles, 12 November 2018_

**...While Styles has been dating popstar Liam Payne for nearly a year, he remains coy when I ask him about it. “I like some things stay private, you know?” he says. I point out that Payne had just posted a picture of them together that morning on his Instagram. Styles laughs.**

**“Liam’s great,” he says, then grins. “That vague enough for you?”**

**Though Styles declined to answer any more relationship questions, Payne himself shows up later, during the photoshoot for this article. He also declined to be interviewed on the record, but stood by watching as Styles was photographed. The couple would chat during short breaks, but nothing they discussed--the traffic Payne was stuck in coming to the shoot from his studio, their dinner plans with friends later that night--was what one might expect from an A-List couple on the rise. In fact, when I mentioned to Styles that he was quickly becoming a household name, he demurred quickly: “I don’t like to think of things like that. I just want to live my life and be happy, same as anyone else.”**

**When Styles and Payne ducked out of the back door of the warehouse used for the photoshoot into the London drizzle, they were indistinguishable from any of the other pedestrians on the street. I think Styles is well on his way to reaching his goal.**

**Author's Note:**

> you can find me on tumblr [ here ](http://foliealou.tumblr.com/) and the fic post [ here ](http://foliealou.tumblr.com/post/181841604976/lost-in-the-middle-of-the-inbetween-its)


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